Dismiss Your Fears
by ThisNightisFlawless
Summary: The first time Selena realized something was wrong with the way Demi took care of herself, she was thirteen. Demi/Selena. CHANGED LAST NAMES, LEGAL
1. Look After You

**When I'm losing my control, the city spins around**  
**You're the only one who knows, you slow it down  
**Chapter 1: Look After You

* * *

The first time Selena realized something was wrong with the way Demi took care of herself, she was thirteen and just a little too young to understand. She knew Demi never ate as much as she did, and that she constantly worried about her weight, but the night that it finally came to surface, Demi was having dinner at Selena's before their sleepover.

Selena had been watching her from across the table all night. She noticed that Demi pushed around her spaghetti so much that to the passing eye, it looked like she was having a normal, full meal. But she also noticed that she only really took seven bites - small bites, of her food, and that she hadn't eaten anything else that day. Then she excused herself to the bathroom with a polite smile to Selena's parents.

She suddenly became sickly worried about Demi for reasons she couldn't yet comprehend. Why was she starving herself? Demi wasn't overweight. Honestly, she needed to gain a few pounds. Selena had seen things about this on T.V. About girls skipping meals to stay skinny, and throwing up the food they ate. That's when she excused herself too, and ran down the hallway to the bathroom.

The sounds she heard from outside the white, shut door made her eyes water and anger boil in her stomach.

Small gags and splashing in the toilet that no doubt emulated the sounds of someone vomiting. Selena waited, and when Demi opened the door she found her with her arms crossed and tears in her chocolate eyes.

"What's wrong, Sel?" She was oozing nervousness.

Selena latched onto her suddenly, her arms tightly around her neck. Demi slowly wrapped hers around her waist with confusion.

"Why don't you eat?" She whispered into her ear in a broken and confused tone.

Demi just sighed and pulled back. "I just wasn't hungry, Selena. Let it go."

"But you-"

"Let it go," Demi silenced her and walked away.

Selena spent the next week on the internet researching eating disorders, then she spent the next four years trying to save Demi from hers.

* * *

When they were fifteen, she noticed the cuts on the inside of Demi's wrists. The crying she did over Demi not eating doesn't hold a candle to the sobs that wrecked her body when Demi told her that she took her frustrations out on herself with a razor. Demi held her that night as she begged and pleaded with her to never hurt herself again.

Selena just didn't understand. She couldn't. She didn't see how or why this insanely beautiful and talented girl could just blindly hurt herself.

Sometimes, Selena thought that Demi hurt her more than herself every time she marked herself.

So that same night, as opposed to hugging Demi before they went to sleep, she kissed her instead.

"If you can't take care of yourself for you, do it for me."

* * *

Demi got more careful about hiding her eating problems and self-harm. When she did slip up, Selena cried so hard that it almost made her stop. In a perfect world, she would have. But nothing is perfect, especially not Demi. And she couldn't just magically switch off the demons in her head.

When pictures surfaced of Demi with suspicious marks on her wrist, they got into their first big fight.

"You promised me that last time was the last time!" She screamed across her bedroom at a defeated Demi, with fresh bandages on her wrist.

"I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry, Selena. It's not that easy, okay?"

Selena wiped tears off of her cheeks and shook her head, " I can't - I don't know how to help you, Dem. I don't know how to make you see how amazing you are. I don't understand this, any of this."

They ended up on the floor against Selena's bed, holding each other and crying.

"Let me in," Selena whispered into her ear.

"I can't stop the voices telling me I'll never be good enough." Demi's voice cracked.

Selena kissed her forehead and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Good enough for what?"

"I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or smart enough. I'm not good enough for music or Disney. Or you." She mumbled.

She grabbed Demi's face softly. Her heart broke again for the second time that night just at the helpless look in Demi's eyes.

"You're the most gorgeous person I know. You're so smart and so kind and wonderful. You're talent blows me away every day, even though I should be used to it by now. You're good enough for anything or anyone you want, Demi. You deserve everything that's happening for you right now. And me, you are more than good enough for me. I love you so much, it scares me."

"You love me?" She whispered, with so much genuine surprise in her voice that it shocks Selena.

"I love you," she repeats again, "and you're so much more than this." She gestures to Demi's wrist.

The next morning, Selena arranged a therapy session for Demi.

* * *

After about six months of therapy, Demi seemed okay again. She was doing better with her food, and Selena didn't see any signs of cutting. Their relationship was wonderful.

But Demi was about to start touring, and her show was already on the air. She was getting so much more spotlight than she was used to, and she couldn't deal with it.

Selena was filming her show and movies, and they couldn't spend as much time together. Everything was getting a little bit too hectic, and Demi collapsed.

She started partying. Drinking until she couldn't stand, experimenting with drugs. Sex.

Selena first got wind of it from Miley. They never got along that well, honestly. There was always a jealously issue and their personalities just didn't mesh well. Selena was on location in Canada when the Southerner gave her a call.

"I'm worried about her," Miley said in her raspy voice, "She's been hanging around with people that aren't good for her, and she's drinking almost every night Selena. It's bad. It's really bad."

Selena literally became so stressed within the next two weeks that she shut out everyone. Demi wasn't answering her calls. She got so desperate and worried that she called Miley.

"I just need to know if she's okay," she rushed out as soon as Miley picked up her call.

Miley sighed, "Selena, I don't know-"

"No, I know you know. She trusts you. Please Miley, She isn't answering my calls."

"She called me at 3 AM last night, completely wasted," Miley started sadly. "She was acting insane, saying she needed me to pick her up from some club. I drove there and got her, and she couldn't even walk, so I took her back to my place and put her in bed. I looked at her wrists Selena,"

"And?"

"It's bad."

Selena started crying almost instantaneously. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, Selena. But there's something else I think you need to know."

"Yeah?"

The line was silent for a solid twenty seconds before Miley's dreadful voice uttered four words that shattered whatever heart Selena had left.

"She slept with someone."

* * *

Should I continue this? Please give some feedback soon so I can update for you guys!


	2. Help!

**Help, I need somebody  
**Chapter 2: Help!

* * *

"She slept with someone."

Silence. Heavy breathing on one end of the line and a sympathetic sigh on the other. "I'm sorry, Selena. I just felt like someone needed to tell you. I don't really know the ins and outs of your relationship, but she's out of control."

"Thank you, Miley." Selena said in a flat tone.

"But-"

"I have to go. They need me on set."

Click.

* * *

Selena did a lot of crying when she was alone for the next three weeks. She put on a facade when she was out of her hotel room. She was an actress, after all. Fooling the people around her was easier than it should have been.

When Demi didn't reply to any of her texts or return her calls, she called Taylor Lautner and asked him to go to lunch purely out of spite. She knew photos would be up within hours, and she wanted to hurt her.

Her heart was broken. Even though she and Demi never put a label on their relationship, she didn't even think about being with anyone else. It wasn't an option for Selena. And the thought that Demi didn't share those beliefs, shattered her heart into.

She wrapped the movie and took a late flight back to Los Angeles. Her step father met her at the airport and if she was being honest, not seeing Demi flashing that bright smile at the end of the terminal kind of ruined the entire day.

Debating whether or not to just ignore Demi until she came to her, or just march into her house and yell at her for everything she was worth was not easy. The bitch in her said to ignore her, but the worried best friend inside her screamed to get her ass over there.

Demi was in the guest house as usual when Selena got there. She knocked softy.

The door opened to reveal Demi wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear and a surprised look on her face that told Selena she completely forgot she was coming back to town.

"Hey babe," she smiled and kissed Selena on the cheek swiftly. "How was Canada?"

"It was fine," Selena softly said and followed Demi into her living room. "How was LA?"

Demi avoided Selena's eyes. "Great."

"How are _you_, Dem?" She asked, looking around and noticing how messy Demi's house was. The small glance she threw at Demi's wrist didn't go unnoticed.

"Never better," she smiled with a hint of bitterness that Selena just didn't understand. She had enough of the small talk and bullshit.

"Why haven't you answered my calls?"

"I've just been busy, Selena. What's your problem?"

"Don't lie to me." Tears were already forming in her exhausted eyes. Demi simply rolled her eyes.

"Why are you acting crazy? Jesus Christ."

Selena just closed her eyes tightly, trying to will away the tears, and took a deep breath. "Did you sleep with someone?"

Of all reactions from Demi that Selena played out in her mind on the plane home, the last one she expected was a laugh. A menacing, hurtful laugh right in her face.

"Where'd you get that from? Wolf boy?"

"Don't twist things around on me. I've already heard everything."

Demi chuckled again, "So what if I did? You have no business worrying about what and who I do."

Selena closed her eyes again, praying to God that she woke up from this nightmare. She didn't know this Demi. This hateful version of the girl she'd been in love with for as long as she can remember. She sighed softly and swallowed the lump in her throat. She looked around the house at the clatter and noticed a half empty bottle of vodka and a cup on Demi's nightstand. She walked to Demi and grabbed her face, turning it so she could smell her breath.

"You're drunk." She breathed out.

Demi smacked her hand away.

Selena grabbed the bottle and went into the kitchen, Demi hot on her tail. When she started to pour it into the sink, Demi screamed at her to stop. Selena was already crying pretty heavily.

"Why do you even care?!" Demi screamed loudly as she sank against the nearest wall, her face in her hands.

"Why do I _care_? I love you, you fucking idiot! Don't you get that?" Selena sat next to her on the wall and pulled Demi's hands away from her face. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to me?"

Demi scoffed at her.

"No!" Selena erupted. "I deserve something here! You lead me on for _months, _Demi. You lied to me for months. I thought you were okay now. You've been partying and hurting yourself. You've lost so much weight," her voiced cracked as she took in Demi's appearance, "and you shut me out."

"I'm not fine, okay? I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I just couldn't live up to these expectations anymore. It's too much." She cried and fell into Selena. "I just lost it, Sel. I hooked up with some random guy at this party," Selena visibly shuddered at that confession, "and I ignored you because I can't be that person for you. I'm not going to do anything but hurt you."

"Demi..."

"We both know it's true."

Selena dropped her head, finally letting herself cry. "I just want to help you."

"I love you for that, Selena. But you can't."


	3. Skinny Love

**Come on skinny love, what happened here?  
**Chapter 3: Skinny Love

* * *

Sometimes, when things got really bad and really hard, Selena almost believed that Demi hurt her on purpose. Maybe she got some sort of twisted joy from Selena's pain.

She continuously did things to push her limits, whether it be slyly hooking up with some girl or boy at a club, coming to Selena's house in the middle of the night wasted, or outright denying feelings for Selena altogether. It wasn't Demi. It was some demented version that Selena didn't understand, didn't know.

Then there were days when she was completely present, when she surprised Selena with flowers and kisses, took her to beautiful dinners, and found new and completely romantic ways of telling her just how much she loved her. She was the same girl that Selena met all those years ago and became completely mesmerized by her talent and beautiful soul. Those days were why Selena chose to stay.

Today was a good day.

Their schedules allowed both of them to be in Los Angeles for almost two months. Time apart was hard, especially for Demi. She didn't have someone fighting for her health and sanity when Selena was gone.

"I love being with you," she whispered into Selena's hair after pressing a kiss there. They were cuddled up on the hammock in Selena's back yard. The radio played softly in the background, but all Selena could hear was Demi's heartbeat speed up when she brought her hands around her waist tightly. Her ear was pressed to Demi's chest, listening.

She blushes softly, and Demi is amazed that after knowing each other for so long, she can still make her blush. Selena giggles lightly and turns to face Demi, her chin resting on her hands as she gazes up into her brown eyes.

"It's not so bad being with you either, dork."

They stay like that for the rest of the day, chatting aimlessly about nothing and everything at the same time. Demi's hands find their way into Selena's hair, and she starts humming the melody to a Beatles song. Selena almost falls asleep to the quiet comfort of it all. It's simple and easy, like this. But there's also a nagging voice in the back of her head, telling her a million things over and over that she doesn't want to think about or accept.

One, that she's leaving to film another movie too soon, and the thought of Demi being here alone to fall into all of these Hollywood traps scares the living hell out of her. Demi gets into the wrong crowds, and she thinks these people are her friends. They suck you into this false feeling of comfort and trust. When Demi is with them, she becomes the worst version of herself.

The other thought that constantly haunts Selena is the constant feeling of doubt. She and Demi never labeled their relationship. They never felt the need to, they just _were._ But Selena began feeling unsure of their dynamic after she got that call from Miley in Canada.

What right _did_ she have to be angry? Demi wasn't her girlfriend. Even though more than anything in the world, Selena wished she would be.

She was so terrified that one day she'd come back and this, what they're doing right now, would all be gone.

"Demi?" She started slowly.

"Hm?"

Once again, Selena turned on her stomach to face her. "What are we doing?"

Demi looked at her like she was crazy for a second, "We're uh.. laying on a hammock?"

"No," Selena shakes her head. "I mean, this. Us. What are we?" She feels so juvenile, asking her best friend to explain their relationship.

Demi sighs with annoyance. "Do we have to define it, Selena? I mean, I love you. You're the best person in my life. It's that simple."

Selena just sighs in response sadly.

"I thought we were on the same page with this." Demi asks.

Selena shakes her head, dismissing the subject. "Yeah, we are. I was just asking."

* * *

"I don't fucking care! I'm not hungry and I'm not fucking eating it!" Demi's scream echoes throughout her house.

Today was a bad day.

Selena came over with takeout after she left the studio. Demi was not impressed.

"What have you eaten today?" Selena angrily barks back at her.

Demi rolls her eyes. "None of your damn business! You aren't my mother!"

"Yeah, obviously. She doesn't give a damn if you're starving yourself." Selena regretted it as soon as it came out. She covered her mouth, her eyes wide in shock of her admission. Demi's mom cared, she did. Just not in the right ways. She was more concerned with Demi being on time for rehearsals and filming than she was with whether or not Demi ate breakfast that morning. Demi's family problems were always such a sensitive spot for her, and honestly, the root of her issues. Selena knew that.

Sometimes, Demi did things just to get her mother's attention. The cutting was a cry for help at the beginning, but when her mom didn't so much as bat an eye- until it was attracting bad publicity- Demi did it for herself. She really was in so much pain, and didn't know how to get it out.

"Get out," Demi calmly commanded her.

"Demi, I didn't mean-"

"Get out!" She screamed, pointing at the door. Selena scurried out the door, mumbling apologies under her breath.

Yeah, today was definitely one of the bad days.


	4. Edge of Desire

**AUTHORS NOTE: Thank you so much for all of your kind words! To answer a few questions, yes, I'll be doing the story as realistically as possible. This includes Demi's trip to rehab. This story is sort of my take on what happened between them within the last 4 years. And also, the chapter titles are very important. I title them after songs, and I've started posting what lyric in the song relates the most to the chapter and their relationship! **

**I know they're severely dysfunctional, but I think that's not that far of a stretch from reality. **

* * *

**There, I just said it  
****I'm scared you'll forget about me  
**Chapter 4: Edge of Desire

* * *

They fought more often as time went on. Everything was a mess. Selena knew it, but what was she supposed to do? Letting Demi go wasn't even an _option_.

Demi still wouldn't validate their relationship. If she put a label on what she and Selena were doing, it would make it more real. And that scared the living hell out of her. She wasn't ashamed, she was just afraid.

Her health was growing worse by the day. Her weight was dropping, cuts were showing up more and more, and Selena's heart was completely broken. Their communication was horrible.

Demi was gearing up to spend a month or so in Canada to film the second Camp Rock movie. She was excited to get out of Los Angeles for a while, but that also meant leaving Selena.

"Do you have enough coats and stuff?" Selena asked her while she helped Demi pack her bags in her room. Selena was sitting on Demi's bed, zipping up her bag.

"I don't even know how the weather is, Sel. If I need a coat, I'll just buy one." She looked down at her, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Okay," she sighed. "I just wanna make sure you've got everything."

"I love you for that, pretty girl. But I can manage." She smiled and pecked Selena on the forehead. Selena smiled dreamily up at her. Moments like this made her entire week.

"Okay, my packing is done!" Demi laughed out loud. "I'm two days ahead!"

Selena high fived her. "I'm proud!"

Demi will never know that when she went to sleep, Selena searched her bag, just in case.

* * *

They woke up to the annoying sound of Demi's little sister beating heavily on the door. Madison yelled out that Demi's mom had made breakfast, and Demi visibly deflated.

"Come on," Selena nudged her with her shoulder and kissed her cheek. "I'm starving."

When they went downstairs to the main house, they both greeted Demi's family sweetly. Dianna made a large breakfast and Demi was completely overwhelmed. Her family didn't notice, but Selena did. Selena always did.

"Mom, we're taking ours back to the guest house." Demi stated nervously as she picked up her plate.

"No," Selena interjected, knowing exactly what Demi was trying to do, "we can eat here, it's fine."

Demi shot a look at Selena that basically told her she would kill her if she didn't shut the hell up.

Dianna didn't even look up from her phone. "Alright, whatever you want." Selena had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. Why didn't they care?

The moment Demi entered the guest house, she threw her plate away. All of it.

"Demi, you're eating breakfast."

"Do not tell me what to do." Her nostrils flared with anger. Selena was getting so insanely tired of this routine that she wasn't bothering being gentle anymore.

"I swear to God, Demi, if you don't eat breakfast, I'm calling your manager and telling them everything."

"You wouldn't dare."

"You need help!" Selena cried out, suddenly so overwhelmed by her emotions. "Why won't you just get help?"

"It's not even a big deal, Selena. Jesus. You don't know what you're talking about." Her voice was shaking.

"I don't know what I'm talking about?" Selena asked, infuriated. "I know you. I know _all_ of you, Demi. I know that you skip at least half of your meals completely, and when you don't, you pick around at your food without eating hardly any of it. I watch you, Demi."

"Shut up." Demi whispered.

"I know when you say you're hanging out with Miley, you're going to parties. I know you throw up. I know you have sex," her voice cracked at this admission, "you have sex with people that aren't me. You cut yourself when you get frustrated. You drink to take away your pain for a few hours. You hurt yourself, Demi. You hurt _me_." Selena is crying outright now, and Demi is just staring at her like she's seen a ghost.

"I'm not done," Selena whispers angrily. "You toy with me. You kiss me. You tell me you love me. You even _make_ love to me, and you pretend it's nothing to you! I've done nothing but love you unconditionally for almost my entire life and you can't even fucking commit." She takes a shaky breath, and her hand grabs at her heart because she feels it beating so hard it's almost hurting her chest.

"I lie for you when people get suspicious. I cover your tracks with your own _family. _And it's horrible. It's so horrible because honestly, I think I screwed up. I shouldn't hide your problems for you because they're serious_._ They can kill you, Demi. I make up excuses, and I tell myself that it's because I can handle this, that I can take care of you myself because I'm strong enough for both of us. But honestly, Demi, I _can't._ I'm in way over my head." She cries out with such defeat.

They sit without speaking for at least ten minutes. Selena's quiet sobs are the only noise in the house. It's like this wall has been knocked down with Selena's admission. There wasn't anything left to confess. It was all on the table, all of her feelings and fears.

Demi speaks up when she can't bear the silence any longer (or the completely devastating sight of Selena sniffling and furiously wiping away her tears.)

"If I eat breakfast, is that a start?" She whispers out nervously with so much hope in her small voice. She is so messed up. She continuously hurts this beautiful girl in front of her and Selena never asks for an explanation because she understands.

Selena smiles with her mouth closed, it's a sad smile. "Yeah, it's a start."

* * *

She takes Demi to the airport the next day, knowing that once she gets to Canada, she has no more control over Demi. She can't watch over her.

But more than that, she knows she's going to miss her so much it hurts.

They hold hands in the car on the way there. Demi hums along with the radio and tries to focus on anything other than the dread in her stomach. The guilt that looms over her right now is so heavy she can barely breathe.

They say their real goodbye in the car before they get out. Demi leans over to kiss her so hard, it almost literally takes the breath out of Selena.

It's desperate, the way they're kissing. It's interrupted by Selena taking sharp breaths and Demi apologizing profusely.

She eventually just falls into Selena, wrapping her arms around her tightly. "I'm gonna try to be good, Sel. I promise." She sniffles out.

Selena just sighs and kisses her hairline. "That's all I want, Demi. I just want you to try."

They kiss again, and Selena thanks God that their windows are far too tinted for paparazzi to even know they're inside.

Demi grabs her face with both hands and kisses the tip of her nose once, and pecks her lips before pulling away to stare into her eyes. "I love you." She says with such sincerity. "I really do, Selena. I love you."

Selena just stares at her almost in awe at how real it sounds to her. It leaves her with a little bit of hope that things are gonna get better now. She blushes deeply and Demi nearly dies at how cute she is.

"I love you, too. You know I do, Dem." She whispers before kissing her firmly on the lips. "Let's get you on that plane."

They link arms through the airport, and Selena carries Demi's bags.

At the terminal, she sadly smiles at Demi before enveloping her into a bone crushing hug.

Demi breathes into Selena's neck heavily, trying to keep from crying again. "I'll miss you, pretty girl." She sighs.

"Take care of yourself, Demi." Selena says seriously. "Please."

Demi just smiles into her neck and chuckles lightly. "I'll try my best."

Selena pulls back and kisses Demi on the forehead, lingering there much longer than any normal best friends should in the middle of an airport. But they weren't just best friends, and they certainly weren't normal.

"Go," she whispers when she pulls back. "Have fun, text or call when you have time, okay?"

Demi just nods and hugs her quickly again. "I love you, Selenalena." She chuckles and sneaks a brief peck to her cheek.

"Bye, Dem." Selena says as she watches her disappear into the terminal.

She sends Kevin a text on her way back to her car.

_**Take care of her. **_


	5. Unchained Melody

**Time goes by so slowly **  
**And time can do so much**  
** Are you still mine?**  
Chapter 5: Unchained Melody

* * *

Selena knew things were changing when she started to get updates from Kevin _about_ Demi more than she was actually talking _to_ Demi. He texted her at least once a day, sometimes with a general "she's fine" and sometimes with worse, like "didn't eat much today" or "seems really down." The latter ruined Selena's day most of the time.

When Kevin gave her bad news about Demi, she always called and tried to cheer her up or figure out what was wrong, but Demi was growing more and more distant. It was like talking to a brick wall. The only thing that gave Selena comfort was the fact that Kevin was looking out for her, and she was working, so it gave her something to focus on.

Demi called her on a Tuesday when it was two in the morning in Los Angeles. Selena hadn't heard from her in days.

"Hey, pretty girl," she said right when Selena picked up.

"God, it's good to hear your voice," Selena replied, sitting up in her bed and turning on her lamp. She didn't mean to sound so desperate, but she honestly didn't care. She lived for these calls.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah," she yawned involuntarily, "but it's fine. I called you earlier today. Or yesterday, I guess."

Demi sighed softly. "Yeah, sorry. I was really busy. We shot late and I didn't really have time."

"It's fine. I just wanted to know how you were doing, Dem. I haven't heard from you in like a week." She laughed, a lame attempt at covering up her disappointment.

"I'm good." Demi replied flatly. Selena could literally feel how far apart they really were. In distance, in their heads, in their hearts.

Selena sighed, staring down at her nails. "Are you eating well?"

"I said that I'm good, Selena." Her reply was cold and sharp, and it was obvious that once again, Selena was running in circles.

"You know I just want you to be okay, right? I'm not trying to piss you off."

"I know that, Sel. It's just hard, you know? I don't know what I'm doing." Her voice cracked and Selena's hand immediately flew over her chest, covering her heart, somehow trying to resolve the ache that appeared at Demi's vulnerabilty. Demi let out a shaky breath that Selena knew meant she was trying not to let herself cry. "Nobody here gets it, they work me until I can barely see straight and I can't do it anymore. I miss you, Sel. I can't do this without you."

Selena let the tears fall freely and silently down her face and covered her mouth to keep from letting Demi hear her cry. She needed to be the strong one now, like she had been for the past two years. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She could do it.

"You are strong. You have to be, Demi. You know that I love you and that I'm here, but I can't help you if you won't let me in."

"I just get scared," she sniffled. "I know that I'm a mess, and you know it too. And I tell myself that if I ignore it all, it'll go away. But I broke down tonight and I had to hear your voice." She sounded so small and she felt it too.

"We're gonna fix it, I promise you. I promise." Selena whispered with such emotion that Demi let herself believe it.

They sat for a while, just listening to each other's breathing. They weren't crying anymore. After a few minutes, Demi spoke up, sounding like a scared little girl.

"Do you think I can do it?"

"I think you can do anything."

Demi smiled the first genuine smile she had since she'd left that airport. Selena really did believe in her that much, and no matter how many times she let Demi know that, it never ceased to amaze her.

"I know we're thousands of miles apart right now, but I want you to know that my heart is still with you." Demi smiled into her phone and Selena blushed.

"I miss you more every single day."

"I'll text you and check in more, I promise."

Selena smiled softly, knowing that Demi meant it now, but in a few days she'd more than likely fall back into her reckless routine that Selena couldn't really stop, no matter how much she tried. "Okay, Dem."

"I love you." Demi said with a firmness Selena's heart couldn't take.

"And I love you. Take care of yourself, beautiful. Please come back to me in one piece."

Demi grinned. "I'll try my hardest."

They hung up and Selena hugged her pillow to her chest, mind running wild with worries and questions, but mostly with love.

* * *

It was a five days after her phone conversation with Selena that Demi cracked again and drew a razor across her wrist.

She just couldn't get that fucking dance number right because she was so stupid. She kept missing the same step over and over and over. Stupid. Worthless. Inadequate. Those were the words she repeated in her head as she hissed in pain when she cut a little too deep.

Those were also the same words she repeated in her head when she screwed one of the backup dancers in her trailer minutes before she came into her bathroom to hurt herself once again. Hurt Selena once again.

_Selena._

Demi threw the razor against the wall angrily.

_Selena._

She caught sight of herself in the mirror and just stared. What had she become? She knew she should call her, she'd be able to calm her down. But she couldn't. She couldn't worry her and bother her with her stupid problems anymore.

_Selena._

Her face distorted into a frown, just before changing to pure anger as she became increasingly disgusted with herself and everything she'd turned out to be.

_Selena._

Blood exploded everywhere when she punched the mirror with every ounce of strength she had left in her tiny body. And even more oozed out of her thigh when she used one of the pieces of glass to slash into it.

She stayed curled up into a ball on the floor for hours just sobbing. She didn't know when or why things had gotten so bad. All she wanted right now was to be completely immersed by Selena and everything she was, everything that Demi wasn't. Her patience. Her grace. Her beauty and love.

She just couldn't stop. Something had to be done and she knew that in her heart. Selena was the only one that would know what to do, but Demi was too afraid to admit that she needed serious help because she wasn't prepared for what that would mean for her. Things would change. Everything would.

Deep down, Demi knew that Selena couldn't be this guardian for her forever. People can only take so much. Even the best people. Even people like Selena.


	6. Our Deal

**I wish you would tell me how you really feel  
But you'll never tell me, 'cause that's not our deal  
**Chapter 6: Our Deal

* * *

Nick found Demi on the floor in her hotel room later that night, knocked out cold. He immediately dropped to the floor and gathered her up into his arms, taking in the sight of her. Her wrists were cut to pieces, blood was running down her legs from where she cut her thighs. Her makeup was running from crying, hands cut up from the mirror she punched earlier, and she was unconscious.

"Demi!" He shook her violently. No response. He tried over and over but she wasn't wake up.

Then he carried her to the shower and turned it on cold before hopping in. He let the water run over her face as he stood behind her, holding her up to the sprayer. He gently slapped her face, just as he began to cry.

Nick heard her spitting water out of her mouth just as he bowed his head in defeat. The curly, and now wet haired boy turned her in his arms and hugged her so tightly, Demi could barely breathe. She cried into his chest and he resisted with everything in him the urge to sob and scream at her for being so stupid.

"I'm sorry," she choked out.

"You lost a lot of blood," he cleared his throat, "I think you need to go to the hospital."

"I can't, they'll know. The management, my parents, they'll be paparazzi."

"Demi-" Nick tried.

"I've done this before, Nick. I'll be fine. I just need a medic, there's tons around. Get one." She commanded.

Nick reluctantly agreed, and after helping Demi to her bed, he ran to find an on-location paramedic. When he found one, he pulled him into the hotel hallway and told him what happened, then not so nicely threatened him so he would keep his mouth shut.

They got to Demi's room and the man went to help her while Nick stayed in the hallway. He had to make a call.

He paced back and forth, waiting for Selena to answer. Talking to her was one of the last things he wanted to do right now. They dated the year before, and ended on terrible terms. But he knew he had to do this for Demi, for her safety.

"Hello?" Selena answered, confused. It was obvious she didn't have his number saved anymore.

"It's Nick," he half whispered. "Please don't hang up. It's about Demi."

Selena immediately shot up out of bed, rubbing her eyes. It was late in L.A. "Is she okay?"

"No, Selena. It's bad." He proceeded to explain what he walked in on tonight, and the state Demi was in. Selena started outwardly crying as soon as Nick said Demi was unconscious.

"She's okay now," Nick said. "Well, not okay, but she's with a medic. Selena, you've got to do something. I don't know what to do, I've never seen anything like that before and you know-" his voice cracked, and Selena knew Nick well enough to know what he sounds like when he's crying, "you know I love her to death, she's like my sister. You've got to do something. Please."

Selena shut her eyes tightly, desperately wishing this was all a terrible dream.

"I can be there tomorrow night, I think. I'll have to clear my schedule, but I can do it."

"Thank you," Nick breathed out.

"Thank you for calling me, Nick."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Selena hung up and went to wake up her mom. She had a lot of canceling to do, and a flight to book.

* * *

The paramedic came out of the hotel room while Nick was in the hallway trying to calm himself down.

"How is she?" Nick asked.

The man shrugged. "She's okay. I stitched up one of her cuts, the others weren't too deep. She needs to rest."

"Thank you, and remember, not a word to anyone."

He nodded. "I know. Look, she's got serious problems, man. She's not gonna survive too many more nights like this."

Nick ran a hand through his curly hair, sighing loudly. He thanked the man again and made his way to Demi's room. She was sitting up into her bed.

"Hey," He almost whispered, afraid he'd break her if he did more. He sat down at the end of the bed.

"I don't want to talk about it, Nick." She rasped out. "Nothing you say is gonna help."

He nodded. "I know, that's why I called Selena."

"You what?" She yelled with all of the energy she had left. Nick didn't say anything, just stared at her like he was looking at a ghost.

"You had no right," she started, shaking her head furiously, "no right whatsoever to do that! What makes you think you can bother her with all of this?"

"She's your best friend, Demi. She deserves to know what's going on."

"Fuck you," she spat. Nick literally flinched, he had no clue what he was getting himself into. This was not the Demi he knew.

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you, but you're not gonna get anywhere by shutting out the people who care about you."

"I just want to sleep."

Nick circled the bed and leaned over her, bending down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm not going to tell anyone here, but next time I'll have to." With that, he left.

* * *

Selena arrived in Ontario at 7 PM. Her mom and her manager were so angry with her they couldn't even look at her. She cancelled a recording session and had to leave set early just to come here. They didn't know why specifically, but when she told Mandy that Demi needed her, she didn't ask anymore questions.

Demi was still filming when Selena got to set, so she went to her hotel room to wait for her. She took in the sight before her. Demi's room was a wreck. Clothes were everywhere, makeup was everywhere.

Selena's hand flew to cover her mouth when she saw the remains of a bloody gauze bandage on Demi's nightstand. She fought the urge to cry right then. She needed to be strong for Demi, again.

"He didn't tell me you were actually coming here, pretty girl."

Selena turned to see Demi standing in her doorway, leaning against the frame with her arms crossed. She was wearing long sleeves, no doubt to cover up her secret that wasn't really much of a secret anymore.

She crossed the room to envelop Demi in a tight hug, pulling back after a moment to kiss her forehead. "Hey," she whispered.

"Go ahead." Demi said, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"What?"

"Yell at me. Or better yet, hold me and cry and tell me how I should've called you." She crossed her arms again.

Selena just stared at her, completely baffled at how Demi could go from calling her "Pretty girl" to being a total condescending bitch within twenty seconds.

"Is it a crime to visit your girlfriend?" Selena regretted her word choice immediately.

Demi narrowed her eyes, "I'm not your girlfriend."

Selena honestly knew that Demi wouldn't be happy about her slip up, but she didn't really expect her to deny it outright.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"What are you doing here, Selena?" Demi outright interrupted her.

"I was worried about you. Nick called and he was upset, and I just needed to see you. Just to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I'm fine." Demi shrugged and started drinking a bottle of water as she simply stared at Selena.

"It didn't seem fine, Demi."

Demi didn't respond to her, just continued to stare. She was leaning back against the wall, looking.

"Look, I cleared my entire schedule to come here." Selena raised her voice, tired of being ignored. "I left set early, I cancelled a recording session, just to see you. And you can't even freakin' talk to me?"

"Kiss me." Demi commanded from across the room. Selena stared open mouthed, baffled.

"What? No! Did you listen to anything I said?"

Demi wasn't listening, honestly. She was slowly making her way toward Selena, who was still babbling nonsense about leaving everything behind to see her.

"I mean, I come here worried to death, I haven't slept any. I can't think about anything other than you, and you have the nerve to ignore me when I get here? I mean seriously-"

She was cut off by Demi slamming her - hard - into the wall behind them. "Will you shut the fuck up for five seconds?"

She kissed Selena so hard, her teeth bit into her lips and Selena started bleeding. Selena's begging and pleading for Demi to stop were muffled by Demi's insistent mouth on hers. Demi ignored it all until she felt a sharp slap to her cheek.

She immediately retracted her lips from Selena's, and sighed. Resting her head on Selena's shoulder, she closed her eyes.

"I don't know what you want from me," she whispered into Selena's shirt.

"I want you to stop."

Demi backed away, shoving Selena back into the wall. Her attitude came crashing back. Selena flinched from the pain and shock and stared wide-eyed at her.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" She whispered at Demi, who ignored her and went to sit on her couch.

"No, Selena. What's wrong with _you_? I kiss you, and you slap me?I mean you _do_ realize I can have anyone I want here, right? I've fucked the majority of the dancers. Boys and girls. I've fucked _you_, too. You don't see any of them coming in here harassing me with questions. What gives you any more right to do so?"

Demi finished with a smirk in Selena's direction. She was reckless and hateful. So full of bitterness and resentment for everyone and everything. Selena wiped away a tear immediately.

"So that's it? Am I just part of some game, Demi? Huh?" She screamed, and Demi laughed. "None of this means anything to you? I'm just some girl you _fuck_ like the rest of them?" She said the word with such distaste and hate. She always thought what she and Demi had was so much more.

Demi didn't reply, she just looked up at Selena and shrugged.

Selena picked up her bags and wiped at her eyes, looking down at Demi before she left.

"I hope you can be happy someday, Demi. I really do."

Despite Demi completely ripping out her heart, then stepping on it, she bent down and kissed the top of her head before making a swift exit.

Demi didn't respond, and Selena started bawling right when she left the room. In the hallway, Nick Jonas was standing at a vending machine, and gathered a crying Selena into his arms, literally.


	7. How Will I Know?

**I say a prayer with every heartbeat  
**Chapter 7: How Will I Know?

* * *

Selena flew back to Los Angeles with a broken heart and no best friend. Her head had never been in such a bad place. The one person that had every ounce of control over her heart broke it without even blinking, without reason or guilt. Demi tore every bit of dignity Selena had left and stomped on it, all the while laughing in her face. She prayed to God that it was some sick joke or dream.

The plane ride was long and there was a lot of thinking she had to do. Decisions she had to make.

Did she end it? Everything, the friendship, the strange dynamic of whatever relationship they had between them. Or did she do what she'd done a thousand times before, and give Demi the benefit of the doubt?

She wondered about how much more her heart could take. And she knew.

This was the end.

* * *

Demi didn't cry anymore. She had more creative ways to release her inner demons.

Drinking. Smoking. Cutting. Sex. Dismissing food. Throwing up. Swearing. Punching. Drugs. And music.

Through all of the bad, she knew in whatever piece of herself that remained in this shell of a person, that without music she'd be dead right now. That was how it always had been. Music saved her, never failed her. It was the only thing that never failed her. Music and Selena.

But Selena was dating Nick now and Demi pretended not to care.

Selena walked out on her, right? She moved on. It was Selena's fault and Selena's problem.

So she shut everyone out and didn't give Selena another call.

* * *

Selena dated Nick for about four months before she just couldn't do it anymore. He was controlling and ignorant and no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, he just wasn't Demi.

He just couldn't measure up to that nerdy little girl Selena fell in love with a long time ago.

His smile didn't make Selena forget about everything wrong in the world. His voice didn't make Selena drift to a place where nothing else mattered. His skin wasn't as soft. His voice wasn't as sweet.

But even after they ended it, Selena couldn't make herself go back. She couldn't afford to become that fragile again, to be so desperately in love with another person that she comprimised everything she believed in. She knew that she'd never be able to bear looking into those eyes and see everything they'd gone through together and at the same time, realize it meant nothing.

None of it meant anything.

It never did.

She seriously nearly convinced herself that was true. She almost believed it until Kevin sent her another text, like he still did.

**"****Getting really bad, don't know what else to do"**

Selena layed on her bed in the middle of her terribly messy room (Demi always helped her clean) and cried like she hadn't in months.

It mattered.


	8. Enchanted

**I was enchanted to meet you  
**Chapter 8: Enchanted

* * *

They didn't talk anymore.

Not when they were both in the same city. Not when they passed each other at award shows.

Not ever.

It hurt Selena more than Demi. Mostly, because Demi wasn't _Demi_. She could hardly even be called a person anymore. Selena tried her best to move on, dated Nick again, dated Taylor. She tried with several people, but nothing came close.

The only good that came out of Selena's escapade was Taylor Swift. The tall, smart, endearing, beautiful blonde was the closest thing Selena had to Demi. They connected instantly. Not on the intimate level that she had with Demi, only because Selena would never go down that route again. She'd never become too close to her best friend. Too close is what ruined it all in the first place.

If she was honest, it probably could have even happened with Taylor, too. They had the chemistry, the connection. Taylor was a genius, she had that same intensity about music that Selena found so endearing in Demi. Selena adored her, and Taylor loved Selena more than anything. They clicked.

She told Taylor about Demi on a Tuesday night after they caught a movie together. They'd ran into Joe and Demi on a date. The two were holding hands and when they passed, Demi and Selena made eye contact that burned a hole through her. She knew, looking into her eyes that it wasn't Demi anymore. Demi would never be with him, not the real Demi. Taylor obviously had a past with Joe, one that Selena wasn't particularly fond of. When Selena became distant and Taylor saw her subtly wiping away a tear, she knew something was up.

They got into Taylor's car and she just calmly stared at Selena until she was ready to talk.

"I just miss her Tay, that's all."

Taylor reached over and brushed away a stray tear, her hand resting on Selena's cheek. "I know, sweetie. I know. I've been there. It's tough losing touch with a best friend."

Selena chucked at that. She actually laughed.

"You don't understand," she whispered, looking out into the streets.

"Then make me understand."

Selena shook her head, looking down at her nails. Taylor gently grabbed her cheek and turned her face toward her. "Sel, you can trust me. I'm not going anywhere."

And Selena did. She trusted her with the biggest secret she'd ever kept.

"It started when we were young. Way too young to even realize what was happening," she started and Taylor grabbed her hand, showing her support. "We were just kids, you know? We fell in love. We fell in love because we didn't know any better. _I_ didn't know any better. She had her problems, and I was there for her. We just fit together. It was like that was how it was supposed to be, and I never questioned it. I just fell, harder than I even knew was possible." She was already crying, holding Taylor's hand harder.

"We never labeled it, what we were. We just went with it, she was mine and I was hers. I never even considered anything else. She was it for me. We got into the business together and that's when it started to fall apart. Her problems took over, and she would turn into a completely different person sometimes. She'd cheat, shut me out, blame me for everything."

She choked out the last words and then stopped competely to just cry.

"Shhh.." Taylor whispered as she rubbed her back.

Selena swallowed the lump in her throat and continued, grabbing Taylor's hand even harder. "Last year she got really messed up during filming. It was bad. Nick called me and I dropped everything to go to her, to make sure she was okay. And when I got there, she was just- gone. It all ended after that. We stopped talking completely. I didn't know who that girl was Tay, I don't even know who I just saw in there." She sobbed as Taylor gathered her into her arms, completely crawling over the middle console.

She whispered soothing words into Selena's ear, cradling her head in her arms and running her hands through her hair.

Selena choked out, "I held on for so long and she just kept _pushing_ me away."

The broken sob that escaped her broke Taylor's heart.


	9. Ho Hey

**I belong to you, you belong to me  
**Chapter 9: Ho Hey

* * *

Demi eventually went back on tour with the Jonas boys. She and Joe split, and it was messy.

Her drinking became a problem and the drugs were never far behind. Her weight fluctuated. Scars were visible.

When someone ratted her out, she went too far. Everything came crumbling down. One punch, lots of swearing, Nick and Kevin dragging her off the plane, screams, scratches. It was ugly. And her parents, for once, knew it was time. This was the end.

Demi entered rehab the next day.

* * *

Selena cried when her mother told her the news. It had been nearly two years since they'd even spoken in person, and even longer since Selena could even recongnize the girl she saw. Mandy held her and understood. She always had.

"Is she okay?" Selena cried into her mother's shoulder.

Mandy shook her head, "I don't know the details, baby. I just know she had a breakdown and they decided it was best. The media is saying eating disorders and self harm."

Selena just sat there for a while, letting her mother comfort her. After a few minutes she sat up and straightened out her clothes.

"Can I be alone for a little bit?"

Mandy nodded and shut her door on the way out, leaving Selena in her state of confusion, heartbreak and worry.

Selena had to make at least 8 or 9 calls to get the number to reach Demi personally. And it was even more hell trying to get the doctors to even _let_ her speak to her.

"Demi. You have a call. Would you like to take it?"

The dark headed, damaged girl raised up from her bed, "I'm not talking to them." She grumbled and turned back over.

The nurse shook her head. "It's not your parents, dear. It's your friend Selena."

Demi froze. She turned to the nurse slowly, rising from the bed and walking towards her. She held out her hand, expecting the phone. The nurse handed it to her, and walked off, whispering to her about giving her some privacy.

When the door closed, Demi stared at the phone like it was a foreign object. This girl on the other end, this girl that she hadn't seen in such a long time, was calling her. The first day.

She took a shaky breath, and holding back tears, lifted it to her ear.

"Sel?" She shook out in a whisper.

The response was nothing but broken sobs. Sobs of a broken heart, a broken friendship and a broken relationship. Selena couldn't even breathe. The only thing that could be made out from her crying was "Demi..."

Demi's hand flew to her mouth, and she choked on her tears. She shook violently, sliding down the wall to a sitting position. Her knees drawn up to her chest and her head resting on them, she wept.

"I'm so sorry, Demi." Selena cried out.

Demi didn't say anything. She couldn't make out any words.

"Are they treating you okay?" Selena choked out, barely recongnizable.

Demi actually let out a little chuckle at that. "I'm okay, Sel. I'm okay."

They didn't really say much else, but they stayed on the phone for nearly two hours. It was mostly just crying.

Demi finally spoke up. "I don't know what happened, Selena. I'm gonna get better though, okay?"

"We don't have to talk about it." Selena whispered out.

So they didn't. They listened to each other breathe, and Selena promised to call back in a few days.

Days went by and they spoke almost all of them. They didn't talk about them, or Demi's problems or progress. They talked about movies and music and food. Normal things. Light things. Selena would never dare let Demi know this for fear of repetition, but she was falling again. She was falling in love over the fucking _phone_. And it was ridiculous. She needed to see her, talk to her. Hold her. Tell her everything is okay, that it's going to _be_ okay.

It was a month into Demi's rehab stay when Selena strutted fiercely into Mandy and Brian's room. Tears were threatening to fall.

"Mommy, I need to see her."


	10. The Trapeze Swinger

**AN: I listened to _The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine_ while writing this. Listening to it while reading is advised just to get the feels! I truly appreciate the kind reviews, you guys are amazing. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Please remember me, fondly  
I heard from someone you're still pretty  
**Chapter 10: The Trapeze Swinger

* * *

Selena had almost a month to prepare. Demi had to get better and she couldn't do that with visitors. They talked every day Demi was allowed phone calls. Some days were better than others.

They didn't talk about their problems or Demi's problems. They just talked about whatever they could think of that was furthest away from their reality. Books, movies, gossip. This went on until they ran out of things to keep themselves numb. Then they hung up, promising to talk the next day.

It was good to get back into the comfort of speaking to each other. It was natural and missed by both of them in ways they never truly accepted.

Some days, when Demi's therapist asked about Selena, she'd cry and scream and demand it never be brought up again. Other days, she'd smile.

Today was different.

"Good morning, Demi." Dr. Robbins smiled at the girl, nodding for her to sit across from her.

Demi smiled back and sat down. "Morning."

"You look happier today." Yesterday wasn't a good day for Demi. They talked about her father and she left in tears.

She shrugged. "I guess so."

Dr. Robbins looked at her timidly. She took a deep breath as she scanned Demi.

"Are we ready to talk about Selena today?" She asked seriously.

Demi closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. Then she nodded. It was time. Dr. Robbins pulled her blonde hair behind her head. "Okay," she nodded. "Tell me about her."

"Beautiful" is the first word Demi utters without hesitation. Dr. Robbins looks at her thoughtfully, expecting more.

Demi shakes her head. "Not just on the outside. I mean- she _is_ stunning. But it's more than that. It's in her heart, you know? That sounds stupid." She shakes her head again.

"No, no." Dr. Robbins smiles. "I understand what you mean. Go on."

Demi looks at her, exhaustion in her eyes. "She's just, incredible." She sighs sadly and looks down. "She's incredible and I let her go."

"Tell me about it."

"We had always been closer than normal friends. It started when we were really young. She found out about all of my issues and did everything she could to help me. Eventually, we ended up practically dating. I mean, I'd never give her a confirmation because I was such a bitch." She laughs bitterly and runs a hand through messy dark hair.

"My problems took over and I killed her. I cheated and did drugs and screamed at her. Made her feel like the bad guy. I don't know why, I guess I just ran from everything she represented, you know? All she ever wanted was to help me, and I pushed her away because I didn't want help. I never did. I was forced here. She represented being strong, and recovery, and love. And I didn't deserve it. Especially love, especially from her. So I pushed her away until she basically had to leave. It killed her."

Demi was in tears by the end of it. Dr. Robbins sweetly handed her tissues and wrote something in her notebook. Demi wiped away her tears and took a deep breath, looking her doctor in the eye.

"I know one thing. If it weren't for her, trying for so many years, I'd be dead right now."

* * *

Meanwhile, in LA, Selena is in a meeting with her PR manager when the topic that changes everything comes up.

Justin.

"You're already friends. Just walk around, holding hands and acting sweet. We'll send paps to the locations and it'll be done."

Selena is furious. "What? No way! I don't want to date him!"

"You're not dating him. You're fake dating him." Her manager says with an attitude. "It's already in progress. Articles of speculation are being written and he's already agreed to it."

Selena's hands are tied. She slumps in her chair. "For how long?"

"Until his album is released, at least. And your movie."

* * *

Selena boards her plane to Timberline Knolls on a freezing December night. Her mind is exhausted and she is so thankful that Demi has no access to the internet or magazines. She's not ready to have that talk with her yet.

The flight goes well. She spends half of it sleeping and the other half trying to decide what she's going to say to this girl she hasn't had a proper face-to-face conversation with in nearly two years.

She's escorted into the place, it's gorgeous and secluded. So many beautiful trees guard the center. Guard the girls inside.

When she enters, she's introduced to Dr. Robbins right away, the woman who made Selena coming here possible.

"You must be Selena." She smiles and shakes her hand. "I've heard so much about you. Demi is in a group meeting right now, but she'll be done in about 15. You can wait in her room."

She guides Selena to a small, homey room that reminds her of her cousin's dorm room when she visited her in college.

"I'll let you surprise her. She doesn't know you're coming, does she?"

"I didn't tell her, no."

"Okay," she smiles. "I have to go now. Remember, don't mention anything that will trigger bad behavior." With that, she's gone. Leaving Selena to look around Demi's room.

There's a bulletin board in the corner, decorated with photos and inspirational quotes. The middle says "You are beautifully made" and there are photos surrounding it. Many of them are of Maddie, her little sister. The rest are of family. There's one of her and Nick at the bottom, and Selena can see the corner of another behind it, hidden. She pulls it back to reveal a picture of herself.

It's one she took of her on a swing in a park. She's wearing a grey cardigan and wind blown hair covers her pale face. She wears a small smile, content.

"I took that when we were fifteen. I put it up when I have the courage to look at you."

Her voice brings Selena out of her memory. She turns to find her standing in the doorway, a book in hand. She smiles at Selena and she smiles back.

"Hey," Selena whispers lamely.

"Hey, dork. What are you doing here?" She smiles, and Selena walks to her slowly.

She just looks at Selena while she opens her arms, then gives small smile when Selena wraps her arms around her neck. Hers come to rest tightly around Selena's waist, and she feels her sigh. Selena rests her head on her shoulder, content with just sitting like this for a moment.

When she pulls back, Selena can see Demi's freckles decorating her make-up free nose and it makes her smile, taking her back to days when she didn't wear it. When make up wasn't helping cover everything up.

"I wanted to see you."

She smiles softly, taking Selena in. "You look different."

"It's been a while," she chuckles.

A look of guilt immediately washes over her face and Selena mirrors it for making her feel that way.

"Sit down." She smiles at her guest, gesturing toward her bed.

"How are you?" Selena asks when she sits against the backboard of her bed. Demi sits directly in front of her, indian style.

"I'm a lot better. I haven't thrown up in almost two weeks." She smiles triumphantly and Selena is honestly surprised by how she speaks of her problems with such ease. She's used to quickly changed subjects and screaming. Selena decides she likes this Demi better already.

They sit there in silence for a while, just taking each other in. Speaking on the phone so often is nice, but there's something so real and so magical about sitting across from one another on a bed, just looking.

"God, it's been so long since I've looked at you." Demi sighs and timidly raises her hand, pushing a stray hair behind Selena's ear. Her hand lingers on the side of Selena's face for a moment and Selena closes her eyes. She remembers this. Misses this.

Demi takes her hand away, snapping Selena out of her moment of longing.

"I brought something," she smiles at Demi. She walks to the chair in the corner of the room and picks up the jacket she lay there, revealing a large, red, shiny bag beneath it.

She goes back to the bed, resuming her same position across from Demi. "Here," she whispers softly with a small, excited smile on her face, handing Demi the bag.

"You didn't have to," Demi starts, but Selena shakes her head, silencing her.

"It's okay, really. Open it."

The first thing pulled out of the box is a large sweater. It's an off white, decorated with a brown moose on the front. It's the softest material Demi's ever felt. Selena just smiles at her when she rubs it against her face.

"I know you love big sweaters, and it's cold here. I didn't know if you had one."

Demi just looks at her with wonder, like she's seeing her for the first time. She shakes her head, smiling at her.

"Keep going." Selena urges.

The next is a small package of several vinyl records. Demi looks through them and smiles with recongnition. Billie Holiday, Sinatra, a Christmas collection of Elvis songs, and a few others.

Selena got up while Demi was looking through them and picked up her suitcase. She sat it next to Demi on the bed, opening up to reveal that it was actually a record player disguised as a suitcase. Demi just looks at it, amazed.

"I didn't want you to miss music." Selena shrugged.

The last gift was in a small, velvet box. Demi opened it slowly, looking up at Selena with small tears threatening to spill over at all of this thoughfullness.

It was a diamond necklace. Gorgeous. The most gorgeous one she'd ever seen. A small heart was on the end, diamonds covering it and portraying a bright shine that made Demi cry.

"Don't cry," Selena whispered. She reached across the bed and wiped away a tear falling from Demi's eye. She gently took the box from her, removing the necklace.

She walked behind her and slid her hair to one side, tightening the clasp on the beautiful necklace as Demi silently cried.

When she was finished, she leaned around and kissed Demi softly on the cheek.

Selena sat back down in her spot on the bed and just watched the girl in front of her. Demi looked at her and shook her head. "Why'd you do all of this?"

"I knew you wouldn't get to see your family or anyone on Christmas. No one should spend it alone, Demi. And it's your favorite holiday. I guess I just wanted to find a way to make sure you knew that when you get out of here, I'm gonna be there. I'm not going anywhere again, and I'm sorry I ever did."

Demi looked down, her lips quivering as tears continued falling down her face. "I'm sorry I pushed you away for so long. It's my fault."

Selena shook her head and grabbed Demi's chin softly. "Hey," she whispered, "Neither of us are innocent, okay? Next year is going to be for fresh starts. For both of us. It's not gonna be like last time."

Demi just sniffled and closed her eyes tightly as she wiped away the tears left on her face.

"Will you hold me now?"

Selena took a deep breath, and nodded.

They both silently removed all of the gifts from Demi's bed. Demi put the sweater on while Selena texted her mom to let her know she got there safely and that everything was okay.

Demi layed down first, pulling the sleeves of her new sweater over her hands. Selena's arms wrapped protectively around her waist just as she closed her eyes. She brought Selena's hand up to her mouth and kissed the back of it gently, whispering "Why are you so good to me, after everything I've put you through?"

Selena tightened her grip around her best friend of a decade and kissed the side of her head. "Because I love you."


	11. Sweet Disposition

**Songs of desperation, I played them for you  
A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh  
A kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs  
**Chapter 11: Sweet Disposition

* * *

They woke early that next morning. Selena slipped out of the bed and sat in a chair in a hurry, confused and overall saddened. She watched Demi sleep for two hours, not mumbling a word or moving an inch. Just watching this broken, beautiful mess of a girl sleep, without a clue in the world.

Selena used to do that when they were younger and still together. She'd wake up early purposely just so she could see Demi when she wasn't fighting herself in her head. It was one of the only times she looked at peace. Back then, Selena was brave enough to turn in her arms and watch her, and now she's sitting across a room of a rehabilitation center, folded up in a chair, terrified.

She was terrified of the girl in front of her.

The only person she'd ever loved. And the one person who broke her heart for everything it was worth.

She didn't know what was going to happen when Demi woke up. Would she kiss her good morning? Pretend like none of it happened? Ask her to go? Talk about things?

The possibilities were really endless. And Selena was scared.

Before she had time to worry anymore, Demi opened her eyes.

And she smiled.

"Good morning," she rasped out.

"Morning," Selena replied, smiling gently. She was still so, so beautiful.

Silence hung in the air for a few minutes while they just looked at each other. It wasn't awkward or unwanted silence, it had just been so long since they woke up together.

"I have to leave in about an hour." Selena said sadly. Demi frowned, looking genuinely disappointed.

"That sucks," she pouted, sticking her bottom lip out. Selena giggled. The silnce sank in once again.

"Sel," Demi started, "I think we need to talk about, like, everything." She giggled nervously, running a hand through her hair as she sat up in the bed. She patted the spot next to her, asking Selena to sit. She did.

"I think so too, but it can wait."

Demi made a face. "What do you mean?"

Selena took a shallow breath as she looked Demi over, finding it increasingly difficult to resist putting Demi's hair behind her ear.

"It can wait until you get out of here, I mean. I think the best thing is for you to work on you. Your recovery. This can all wait, if you need it to. I don't want to complicate everything, Demi. You getting better is the most important thing in the world."

Demi just looked at her with wonder. Her eyes scanned Selena's face, and she let out a small, almost inaudible gasp.

"How are you still so wonderful?" She asked in genuine amazement.

Selena blushed, looking down at the sheets. Anywhere but Demi.

"Hey," Demi whispered, and Selena felt her sliding toward her on the bed. She still didn't look Demi in the eye.

"Hey," she said again, taking Selena's chin in her hand, gently guiding her to look at Demi. Selena looked into her dark eyes and her breath was immediately taken. They were so close. It would take one movement, one small turn of the head to put them where they've been so many times before.

"Yeah?" Selena whispered out, stuttering a little bit.

"Thank you. For coming here. For the gifts. And mostly just for making me feel like I'm not alone anymore." She smiled and looked down, fiddling with her hands.

"I never, ever wanted you to feel alone, Demi. I know it's been hard, and we've had problems, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. _Forever_. Okay?"

Demi smiled, that same look of wonder back in her eyes. "Okay."

The silence followed. Demi's hands were playing with Selena's gently when she cleared her throat softly, looking back up to Selena's eyes.

"Selena?" She asked nervously.

"Mhm?"

"Can I.." she started, trailing off lamely. She shook her head briefly.

"What, Dem?"

Demi looked into her chocolate eyes, questioning. Hoping. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

Selena froze. This is what she was afraid of. The uncharted territory. The boundaries that had to exist, she just didn't know where.

She considered the options, and more than anything in the world, since she'd gotten to this place, all she'd wanted to do was kiss the hell out of the girl in front of her.

"Yeah," she breathed out.

Demi leaned in, her hand on Selena's cheek slowly rubbing the blush that followed her question. Their noses brushed when Selena closed her eyes. This was second nature.

Demi hung there for a moment, just touching her forehead to Selena's, and that's when Selena knew this was new, this was a different girl. A girl that showed the affection that matched the way Selena felt in her heart.

When she pushed forward, capturing Selena's top lip with her mouth, they both released a breath they'd been holding without knowing. They sighed simutanuously into the kiss. Selena's hands gripped Demi's tightly.

They kissed briefly. It was probably the most innocent kiss they'd ever shared, but it was also the most romantic. The most real.

When Selena pulled back, they rested their foreheads together softly. Demi was wearing the same goofy grin she wore the first time Selena ever kissed her, all those years ago. Back when everything wasn't so heavy and so tiring.

She smiled wider, "Can I kiss you again?" She giggled.

Selena carressed Demi's cheek slowly, smiling that knowing smile.

But the truth? She didn't know anything, really. She didn't know what any of this meant.

But as she looked at this girl clinging tightly to her fingers just as she had hundreds of times before, she knew deep inside of her heart that she'd never be able to tell her no. And perhaps that was her biggest problem.


	12. Bloom

**You fill my lungs with sweetness  
And you feel my head with you  
**Chapter 12: Bloom

* * *

Selena went home with a heart so full of hope and joy. Her smile was brighter, her eyes were happier.

Right up until her manager emailed her with specific instructions to meet Justin at a local restraunt.

Their instructions were simple. Hold hands, smile, giggle. It was so simple, but it made Selena sick to her stomach. She cared about Justin, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that Demi would be back in a few weeks, and word of her new relationship would be everywhere.

And there was nothing she could do about it. Selena's hands were tied.

Papparazzi were lined up outside of the place they met each other, and just as they were told, Justin grabbbed her hand.

They were surrounded by people. Fans, men with cameras.

Selena had never felt more alone.

* * *

Justin wasn't quite as annoying as Selena had thought. He was funny, and he treated her with the upmost respect. Taking her to dinner, buying her flowers. It was almost as though he thought they were really dating.

She thought it wouldn't be a big deal, until they went on an "organized movie date" one night, and were followed by the paps until they got on the highway.

They made jokes on their way about the pigs and how annoying it was. They listened to music and sang obnoxiously. They were honestly becoming really good friends. He made her laugh.

It went fine until he pulled into Selena's driveway to drop her off.

"Thanks for the ride. I'll see you soon." Selena chuckled as her hand moved to open the door.

"Wait," he stuttered out. Selena turned around and there he was, right in her face. Kissing her.

It wasn't rough or bad. He had soft lips and Selena missed kissing someone. It was just the wrong someone. She pulled back, a little shocked.

"What are you doing?" She asked calmly.

Justin moved back into his seat, looking a little confused. "Sorry, I uh.. I just thought.. I don't know. I mean, we're basically dating, right? I didn't mean to offend you or whatever." He blabbered on, and Selena held up her hand.

"I'm not really availible, Justin." She nervously chuckled.

A look of obvious confusion washed over his face. "What do you mean? I thought we both had to be single for this whole- arrangement to work."

"I am single, technically. I guess. I'm just not really availible."

"Do I know him?" Justin asked. He didn't seem jealous or angry. He just seemed interested.

"Uh.." Selena started.

"You can trust me, you know. I am your _boyfriend_ afterall." He joked.

Selena smiled. "I'll tell you when I figure all of it out for myself."

He smiled back. "Deal."

"Goodnight, Justin." She leaned over, kissing him on the cheek.

* * *

When she got inside, she immediately called the girl she loved. They still talked almost every day.

"Hello?" Demi answered once the office transfered Selena's call to Demi.

"Hi, beautiful. How are you?"

She could feel Demi's smile through the phone. "I'm good, Sel. I feel good today. What about you?"

Selena sighed, falling onto her bed. "Good. I just miss you."

"I miss you too, pretty girl." Selena missed hearing Demi call her that.

"Three more days, right?"

"Three more days." Demi whispered back, her voice soothing Selena.

They sat there for a while, basking in their comfortable silence. Just listening to each other breathe.

"I gotta go, Sel." Demi said after a while.

"Okay." She replied sadly.

"Hey, perk up. I'll be home before you know it, and we're going to a beautiful dinner. And I'm going to tell you over and over how beautiful you are, to make up for how many times I didn't."

Selena just smiled into the phone, her heart melting in that same way Demi made it melt so many years ago. Everything has changed, but everything hasn't.

"Promise?"

"Of course I promise. I'll talk to you tomorrow, pretty girl."

Then they hung up, and Selena went to bed feeling like she was foating.

She woke up the next day with a busy schedule ahead. Taping for Wizards was first, then a photoshoot, then time at the studio. Selena got home at 7, and decided to take a nap.

She was sleeping for what felt like hours, when she felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind.

She sighed, snuggling into them. It was probably a dream, but whatever, she felt like snuggling.

She was actually positive it was a dream, right up until she heard a whisper in her ear.

"Wake up, pretty girl."

Selena immediately shot up from her bed. "Demi!"

She tackled Demi in a bone crushing hug. "You're not supposed to be here for two more days."

Demi sighed into Selena's shoulder. "I know. I wanted to surprise you."

They stayed in each other's arms for minutes, before Demi finally pulled back, pushing away a stray hair from Selena's face.

"How about that beautiful dinner?"

"Right now?"

She smiled, and nodded. "Of course. Your carriage awaits, beautiful." She went to Selena's window, opening it to reveal a gorgeous limo in her driveway.

Selena looked wide eyed, feeling like a princess. "I have to change and get ready."

"No need. Wear what you have on."

Selena looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "In what world would we go to a nice restraunt in a limo, in sweats with my hair pulled up?"

"Who said anything about a restraunt? Besides, you look beautiful like that and I want you to be comfy. My sweats are in the car. So let's go."

Demi held her arm out, and led Selena downstairs. She said hello to Selena's parents who warmly welcomed her back, and they went outside.

Demi opened the door for Selena. "After you."

Selena smiled, not really used to Demi being so openly sweet.

"Where are we going?" Selena asked.

"It's a surprise."

They held hands, giggling and falling back into conversation that always came so easily to them.

The limo stopped and Demi looked over to her. "We're here." She smiled excitedly. "Oh, I almost forgot," she grabbed Selena's face gently and pulled her into a kiss, holding her face close when she pulled back and whispering, "You are beautiful."

She then led an absolutely breathless Selena out of the limo. Selena didn't recongnize the location. It was basically an open field with a huge, circus like tent in the middle.

"Here we are," Demi grabbed her hand and led her toward the tent. Selena couldn't help but notice how much more at ease she felt holding Demi's hand rather than Justin's. Oh shit, Justin.

When was she going to drop that bomb? Demi was going to know anyway as soon as she opened a magazine. But Selena didn't want to ruin whatever was in store for the night, so she decided she'd wait.

Demi opened the entrance to the huge tent to reveal a large, extravagent picnic.

There were pillows everywhere, candles lighting the dim room. Christmas like lights were hanging from wall to wall. It was absolutely beautiful and peaceful.

"Demi, this is gorgeous." Selena looked around, amazed by all of the decorations and lights.

"I just wanted tonight to be special." She shrugged.

They sat down across from one another on the floor, on these soft blanket like seats. Out of nowhere, a waiter appeared, bringing them their food and drinks.

"You're beautiful." Demi said again with a smirk as she ate their dessert.

"Shut up," Selena rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, you know. I don't know if I've told you that, like properly."

Selena shook her head, trying to end the apology before it began. "It's okay, Dem."

"But it isn't. The way I treated you, I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself. You were the only person good to me, you know? You always have been. You've always been the only one to see through my bullshit. And I'm sorry for taking advantage of your love so many times." She reached for Selena's hand, "and I'm willing to spend forever trying to make it all up to you."

Selena didn't say anything. She just stared. Stared at this new girl sitting in front of her.

"I'm so, unbelievably proud of you. You know that?" Selena smiled, tears in her eyes. Demi blushed. "You've become the beautiful, sweet, charming woman I've always known you were."

Demi started to cry.

"I don't know why you love me. I mean, you could have anyone you pointed at, Selena. Why me still? After all this time. After everything I've done to you, I still don't get it."

"I never had a choice." Selena whispered, pulling Demi's hand up to her lips to kiss her knuckles. "I've loved you forever. It never went away. It never will."

Then she pulled Demi in to kiss her instead of her hands. They got lost in it, got lost in each other. Demi moved to kiss Selena's neck and she moaned lightly.

Selena pushed Demi back gently against the pillows behind her.

She hovered over Demi, breathing fast. They just stared at each other, memories of their past flashing in each other's eyes. Demi reached up to graze Selena's cheeks with her thumb. "Beautiful," she said again with a soft smile.

Selena turned her face into Demi's hand, kissing the palm of it.

"I love you," she whispered.

"And I love you, pretty girl. Make love to me." She said, her breath getting lost.

So Selena did.


	13. Kiss Me

**Settle down with me  
And I'll be your safety  
**Chapter 13: Kiss Me

* * *

They woke up completely smothered by each other. Smothered by love, by a reunion.

It had been two years since they'd been together, especially in the sense that they were the previous night. But it was like they'd never even stopped, never spent a moment away from one another. They knew each other's bodies and souls so well that it became second nature, making love.

Demi turned on her side and pushed Selena's hair away from her eyes, taking in the beauty before her. She hated herself for so long for ruining what they had, whatever it really was. Spending time in therapy and rehab forced her to come to terms with the fact that she was truthfully just afraid. That's why she always pushed Selena away. Demi was terrified of Selena abandoning her, so she pushed harder and harder.

Rehab ultimately made Demi take responsibility for it, and that was the start.

"Are you up, Sel?" She whispered into the air.

Selena squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. "No." She huffed.

Demi laughed and kissed the tip of her nose. "I've missed this," she shook out, taking a deep breath and just looking at Selena, memorizing for face, afraid she'd never even be this close again. "I never appreciated it before- how stunning you are."

Selena opened her eyes.

She had this look on her face, a look that partly said 'this can't be real' and also said 'you could've had this so long ago.'

But still, she smiled that closed lipped smile, content.

"I need to talk to you about something," her smile dropped, and Demi looked concerned.

"Yeah?"

Selena sighed and ran a hand through her messy hair. She knew she had to tell Demi about Justin. It wasn't fair to her. She knew it. But as she looked around the room, at the clothes around the floor, at Demi's flushed cheeks and freckles on the bridge of her nose, at the soft edges of her naked body only half covered by the sheets, telling her was the absolute last thing Selena wanted to do.

"Sel?" Demi broke her train of thought.

Selena just smiled softly. "Nothing, I just wanted to tell you how happy I am."

Demi giggled and leaned onto Selena's bare shoulder, placing a small kiss there.

"Want to go get breakfast?" She whispered into Selena's smooth skin.

"I can't. I have to work. Can I see you tonight?"

"Absolutely. Let's get you back to La La Land."

Demi kissed Selena quickly on the lips before wondering around the room in search of her clothes. Selena had seen this before a million times, Demi running around her room naked, putting on clothes faster than anyone she'd ever seen, trying to stay as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake Selena up only to slip out moments later. Selena knew this scene well. Only this time, Demi wasn't tip toeing around, she was gracefully gliding, slipping on her underwear slowly. This time, when she looked back at Selena, it wasn't to make sure she was still asleep, but to smile softly at her and wink.

This time, it felt like the beginning of what Selena had always dreamed of having.

* * *

Selena went to work on Wizards later that afternoon absolutely glowing. She was different already. Demi had such an effect on her personality, it was amazing.

They texted frequently. Demi offered to bring her lunch, which she declined because she made lunch plans with Jennifer, but the thought still made her smile.

Towards the end of the work day, Demi stopped texting. She didn't reply to the last three Selena sent, and she was getting paranoid. Habit, she supposes.

She got into her car and pulled out of the lot just as she got a text.

'Come over when you leave. I made dinner.'

She smiled and texted back, saying she'd be there.

Thirty minutes later, thanks to LA traffic, Selena was in Demi's driveway with an anxious smile on her face. It was amazing how she already missed the girl. She knocked, and heard Demi call out a chill "Come in."

"Hi, beautiful. What are you up to?" Selena grinned as she walked in. Demi was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. Her feet were propped up and a glass of wine was on the coffee table in front of her.

"Just doing some reading. Catching up on the hot gossip, you know." Her tone was condescending.

Selena felt her knees get a little weak, terrified on what was in the magazine Demi was holding. Even though, she already knew. It was everywhere.

"Where's the boyfriend?" Demi dead-panned, and turned the magazine around, displaying a full on spread of Justin and Selena kissing and holding hands at the beach.

Selena's heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. She couldn't make words come out of her mouth.

"Were you just not going to tell me? I mean I know that we have never labeled our relationship, but I didn't think you'd be this blatant about it."

"It's really not what it looks like, Demi. It's all publicity, I swear." Selena pleaded.

"You look like you're enjoying yourself." Demi took another long drink of wine. Selena hated it when Demi drank. It never ended well.

"Come on, Dem. Pour that out, and we'll talk."

Demi shook her head. "I don't need to talk. I'm reading all about it, Sel. And I'm very happy for you." She was slurring a bit, and Selena knew what that meant.

"Just give me the glass." She reached for it and Demi smacked her hand away.

"I'd like it if you just left, please." She said calmly, looking Selena in the eyes.

Selena could feel her throat closing up, nerves and anxiety building in her chest. "I was gonna tell you, I swear. It's not real, Demi."

"Go."

* * *

Selena eventually ended up leaving. No matter how much she pleaded, Demi refused to have it. She was extremely drunk, and her demons were fighting their way back to the surface.

She went to her bathroom, and sat in the floor.

For the first time in four months, Demi drug a blade across her wrist that night.


	14. Half of My Heart

**Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you  
That half of my heart won't do  
**Chapter 14: Half of My Heart

* * *

It was nearly three hours later when Selena finally got the balls to go back inside and try to fix this. She sat in the driveway in her car crying. Screaming, hitting the steering wheel, cursing. She was so incredibly pissed at herself. There wasn't anyone else to blame. It was _her_ fault. This was _her_ problem.

Just when she thought they had come to some type of stable ground, the rug got ripped out from beneath them. She should have been used to it, or saw it coming. Happily ever after didn't really exist for them. It never had.

But Selena rarely found herself in this position, one where she couldn't just point finger at Demi and roll her eyes at the repetition. She'd never been here before.

Every time Demi screwed her over, no matter how bad the situation, all Selena wished for was an apology. A sincere one. She just wanted to be chased after when she left.

So she decided then, after warring with herself for three hours in her car, in the pouring rain. This isn't how she's going to behave when she screws up. She was raised better, she wished for better when the tables were turned. She fucked up, so she fixes it.

She loved the girl on the other side of that door. She _loved_ her. It was real.

She wasn't going to let Justin fucking Bieber ruin what she'd waited for her entire life. It wasn't worth it. So she got out of her car.

Selena knocked four times before she just let herself in. When Demi wasn't anywhere in sight, and her bedroom was empty, Selena's stomach churned. She'd felt that so many times before, that brief feeling of worry and guilt and just sickness, even if she didn't really know where Demi was.

She checked the bathroom.

Demi was in the floor by the toilet. Crying.

Selena saw the blood before she saw anything. It was in the floor, all over Demi's clothes, her arms. It stained the white toilet on the side.

Selena stopped screaming at the sight almost four years ago. She'd seen it enough times to not have that typical reaction. Demi looked to her, eyes filled with tears and makeup running. She had that look in her eyes that she always had when Selena found her like this. Pleading, apologizing.

Selena disappeared for a minute only to return with bandages and cleaning supplies.

"I keep these in my car, just in case. Even now," she answered the question Demi didn't ask. Selena cleaned her up thoroughly, like a pro. She _should_ be pretty good at it by now.

The cuts weren't deep. It was almost just a scratch to the naked eye, but to them they were full blown wounds.

Even though she was fairly familiar with the sight, Selena still cried. Every time. Her words were choppy and her voice broke when she hummed a quiet song as she cleaned Demi up.

Demi didn't speak. She just cried.

When Selena finished, she put her head on Demi's shoulder, wiping her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she croaked out after a moment. "I should have told you. It isn't real though, Dem. It never was."

"It's okay."

Selena rose up, looking at her shocked. "No it isn't. I fucked up. And look what it did," she cried out, burying her head in Demi's shoulder again.

"Hey," Demi whispered, "This is my problem, okay? I can't just beat it in a few months, Sel. Don't blame yourself."

Selena didn't respond, she just cried harder into Demi. Demi stroked her hair, whispering soothing words into her ear.

"Let me make you dinner, pretty girl."

She stood and helped Selena up. Demi grabbed her face and kissed her square on the mouth, lingering for a moment.

"I love you," she said softly.

Selena just sniffled and closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against Demi's.

* * *

Demi cooked their dinner humming the tune to an old Billie Holiday song that Selena only recognized from Demi's iPod.

She cleaned the bathroom up while Demi made pasta. The razor was in the floor, and Selena got so angry she saw red.

"It's ready, Sel."

Selena turned around to see Demi in the doorway of the bathroom. Her eyes shifted to the razor in Selena's hands and her eyes almost immediately glazed over. She just turned on her heel and walked to the kitchen, leaving Selena confused and still so emotional.

They ate dinner in almost entire silence. It was one of the first times in their lives that it had been awkward.

Selena finished first and got up to take her plate when Demi stood up.

"Stay, sit down." She ordered. She pulled up a chair right beside Selena and grabbed her hands when she sat down.

"What is it?" Selena asked, confusion thick in her voice, raspy from the excessive crying.

Demi just looked at the ground, stroking Selena's hands with her thumbs lightly.

"Demi, talk to me. You're scaring me."

Demi took a deep breath and stared at the ground still when she uttered the words, "This has to stop."

Selena immediately asked, "What needs to stop?" Even though she already knew, and it was clear by the breaking in her voice.

"I have to get better, Selena. This isn't going to work." Demi was looking at her now, tears in her eyes. "I wasn't ready for this again. It's too much."

"No," Selena shook her head. "This was my fault this time. But it won't happen anymore. I can help you, I want to be here for you." She was pleading and she started sobbing when Demi grabbed her face and stroked her cheeks with her thumb.

She leaned forward and kissed Selena on the tip of her nose. "I know you do. But I have to do this on my own. I can't handle a relationship now. It's too much. And I know you'd never try to intentionally hurt me, but we aren't perfect. You're gonna make mistakes too and it isn't fair to put that kind of pressure on you. I'm not healthy enough right now to handle a relationship."

Selena cried harder. She covered Demi's hand, the one on her face, with her own. "I'm sorry," she choked out.

"We have to do the mature thing here, Sel."

Selena shook her head like a small child, threatening to throw a tantrum. Demi just smiled softly, tears pouring down her face.

"I have to do this for me. And you obviously have things you need to figure out, whether it's business or not. You can't be with both of us. It's too risky."

"But I'm not dating him, Demi. It isn't re-"

"Shhh," Demi kissed her quiet, interrupting her the nicest way possible. "Don't. It's okay."

Selena knew she lost. This was it. Every dream she'd had since she lost Demi the first time was dead now. They couldn't be together.

"I love you so much."

Demi started crying then. She pulled Selena into her, the smell of her hair still just as intoxicating.

"I love you too, pretty girl. I always will, you know that. We _will_ find our way back to each other, we always do."

Selena kissed Demi's bare shoulder, visible thanks to the tank top she had on. Her heart was breaking more and more, every word Demi spoke.

"Promise me that." She cried.

Demi softly grabbed Selena's face. She kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her lips twice. "I'll never, ever give up on you. I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for you, you know that?"

Selena winced at the thought. She kissed Demi quickly, beginning to fear that this would be the last time she really had a chance to.

"I'll wait for you." She whispered to Demi, her voice shaky.

"I know you will, but you don't have to. I want you to go find yourself, just like I'm going to. We'll come back to each other when we're ready."

"Jesus Christ. When did you get so mature?" Selena giggled for the first time that night.

Demi smiled back, kissing Selena again on the lips. "Thank you for saving me, pretty girl."

"I'll always save you."

They looked at each other for a moment. Really looked at each other. It was the end and the beginning all at the same time. Everything they'd gone through, all came down to this moment. Them deciding to go their separate ways, so they'd be able to come back together one day as something better.

Demi leaned in first, pulling Selena into her lap slowly. They kissed slowly and passionately, taking in every single movement like they'd die if they let one go unappreciated. Selena felt their tears mixing, and it was the most bittersweet feeling she'd ever felt.

Her hands found themselves placed on Demi's cheeks, holding her there like she'd slip away. Because Selena knew she was about to. Demi pulled back and they held their foreheads together, breathing hard.

"If you need me for anything, Demi, I swear to God-"

"Selena," Demi cut her off with a kiss. "I promise if I really need you, I'll find you."

"Okay," she sighed, defeated with sadness.

"I guess this is it."

Selena got off of her lap, straightening out her shirt and hair. She nodded, and Demi walked her to the door. They were both still crying, only softly and quietly. The saddest type of crying.

Selena lingered in the doorway, looking around again, taking everything in for the last time for a while. She kissed Demi again, this time quickly and chastely. They embraced again.

"Please take care of yourself," she whispered into Demi's shoulder.

Demi kissed Selena's shoulder and nodded. "You too."

Then she walked away. Got into her car like it wasn't the hardest thing she'd ever done, in her entire life. Harder than watching the girl she loved destroy herself little by little. Harder than watching that same girl destroy her too in the process.

Walking away. That was the hardest.

Selena was proud of her, but that didn't make it hurt any less.


	15. Heartbeats

**One night to be confused  
One night to speed up truth  
**Chapter 15: Heartbeats

* * *

They stopped speaking.

No texting, no calling. No stopping by.

It was done. And it was hard, getting your heart broken when it didn't really have to be.

Selena didn't blame Demi for it, and Demi didn't blame her. It had to be done, and they both hoped deep down that eventually, they'd meet again. And it would be a time when they both were ready.

Demi worked hard to get better, and to stay better. She was in AA, seeing two therapists, a physical trainer, and a support group for self harm. It kept her busy, kept her moving. Kept her from thinking about Selena constantly.

She was also writing a lot. Another album was something she wanted, and something she knew would eventually happen. Fans were so supportive and Demi was thankful for them in a way she'd never been before. They didn't judge her.

While Demi was working on herself, Selena found herself still entangled with Justin and the publicity deal. They'd become best friends.

He was taking her home from an arranged dinner, and Selena was obviously distant. She missed her girl. Her best friend.

"You okay?" He turned down the music in his Range Rover, looking at her with concern.

Selena was looking out the window, lost in her mind. It was something Justin was used to. She turned to look at him, obviously hearing his voice but not what he said. "Sorry, what?"

"I was asking if you were alright. You've been pretty quiet."

She looked down at her nails and picked at them, not answering the boy. He grabbed her hand softly, forcing her to look up at him.

"Hey, you can talk to me Selena. I told you that." He smiled softly at her, not letting go of her hand.

When Selena started to cry quietly, he didn't know what to do. He just looked on, shocked, his brown eyes open wide and full of worry. Selena covered her face, embarrassed.

"Selena?" Justin barely whispered, not wanting to scare her. He was so confused. This was the first time he'd seen her cry. She was usually so together, so with it.

She looked up at him with tears running. "You remember when you tried to kiss me, and I told you I wasn't available?"

He chuckled lightly and nodded. "Of course."

"I'm ready to tell you about it."

* * *

She explained everything to him, and she didn't leave out much. She trusted him.

"Wow." He sighed after she explained what happened when Demi got out of treatment. "I never would have guessed."

Selena sniffled and nodded. "Yeah. We got pretty good at hiding. We had to."

"And now you're in a completely opposite situation, with me. Having to parade it around. I'm sorry, Sel." He looked sad, like he wanted to change it.

"It isn't your fault."

He looked at her for a moment. "You guys will find your way back to each other, you know."

"You think so?" She looked down at her feet, feeling so vulnerable in this moment, confessing everything she'd spent so long trying to keep private to someone she hated not long ago, before she saw this side of him.

"She'd be crazy not to want to be with you. You're so much stronger and better than you give yourself credit for. You're a good person, Selena. You have a good heart." He smiled at her, so sweetly and genuine. "You've spent so many years taking care of her, and when she finally gets better, she'll come back to take care of you. You deserve that, Sel. You really do."

Selena just stared at him, a blush rising to her cheeks. He sounded sure. And that made her feel okay again, just for that moment. She started to believe in it a little more.

"That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me," she whispered into the heavy air, smiling softly at the beautiful boy sitting beside her. "Thank you."

He smiled and shook his head, shaking off the compliment. "I'm just telling you the truth. You deserve good things, Sel."

He walked her to her front door like the gentlemen he was, and wrapped her in a tight hug. "You gonna be okay?"

She kissed him on the cheek sweetly and nodded. "Thank you, for everything. You're an amazing friend."

He smiled and wished her a goodnight, walking back to his car. Looking back now, Selena thinks that might have been the night she started to fall a little bit for him. Not in the same way she fell for Demi, hard and fast and without any control. But in a new way. She felt safe with him, secure. It was something she'd never felt with Demi, no matter how much she'd wished she did.

* * *

Demi and Selena didn't speak or see each other until December of that year.

It was morning when Selena heard about her Mother's miscarriage. Her heart shattered into a million pieces. It was bad, for everyone.

It was one of Selena's biggest dreams, being a big sister. She knew she'd be great at it, everybody knew. As soon as she found out Mandy was pregnant with a girl, Selena felt a sense of fear. She was worried that the world would do the same things to Scarlett that they did to Demi.

She swore to herself that she'd tell that baby girl every day of her life how beautiful she was and how important and special. She wouldn't fail her the way she failed Demi.

But that dream died.

Justin went with her to the hospital for support, and she was thankful. They'd gotten so close sense she'd told him about Demi. The public was fascinated with their relationship, so management ordered for them to stay together.

Though having him there was wonderful, she wanted Demi. She always did.

And it killed her so much that they weren't speaking anymore, that Demi couldn't be with her here today.

Selena went to get coffee when her phone vibrated. It was one of the very many signs she'd gotten in her life that proved prayer works.

'_I love you_' was shining on her phone, and Demi's name was above it. She'd seen the news by now, Selena guessed.

She went into a bathroom nearby, and sat on the floor in the last stall. The dark hair in her face met her knees as she brought them up to her chest and sobbed into them.

'_I love you too_' was the reply she sent before she went back to be with her mother.

* * *

Demi never replied to the text, but Selena didn't expect her too. It was the only contact they'd had in months, and it was almost nothing. But it was enough, and it was everything.

Mandy was released later that night and Selena rode back home with her and Brian. It was quiet, and Selena knew their hearts were even more broken then hers was.

When they got home, Selena helped her mother to bed and kissed Brian on the cheek, not really saying much to either of them other than 'I love you.' When she went upstairs to get to her room, the dark haired girl waiting on her bed made her jump.

"Hey, pretty girl."

Demi was sitting on the edge of Selena's bed, looking at her with an intensity that melted Selena to the core, and made her heart speed up instantly.

She fell into Demi's arms immediately, sobbing into her shoulder. Demi moved them to sit at the foot of Selena's bed in the floor, gathering the broken girl into her arms. Her eyes closed tightly, so heartbroken to see Selena so sad.

"What are you doing here?" Selena choked out, pulling back from Demi's arms to look at her.

Demi pushed her hair away from her face. "I needed to make sure you were okay. That's all."

"I'm better now." Selena smiled, stroking Demi's cheek.

Demi smiled softly, and Selena took in how much healthier she was looking. She looked well slept, and put together. She wasn't a stick anymore. And Selena knew this whole thing was working. Demi was getting better.

"I've missed you, Dem." She whispered, and Demi nodded.

"I've missed you so much, Sel. I know we aren't supposed to talk, but I heard about everything and I knew how much it meant to you and your family. I just needed to tell you that I'm here and that I love you." She sounded so sure in her words, so confident.

Selena just nodded, too mesmerized to really put together words. She yawned after a while. "Sorry. It's been a really long day."

Demi smiled at her and picked her right up off the floor, standing up with Selena in her arms like a child. She lay her down in her bed. Selena could still barely speak.

"Get some sleep," Demi said and pulled Selena's covers over her.

"Stay." Selena grabbed Demi's arm and stopped her movements, pleading her to get into bed like so many times before.

Demi just shook her head calmly. "You know I can't. I'm sorry."

"I know. Me too."

Demi leaned over and kissed her on her forehead, stroking her hair and hovering there for a bit. Selena looked up at her like the only thing she wanted in the world was to be fifteen again. Fifteen and in love with her best friend and unstoppable.

It was a lifetime ago to them. And it felt like it.

"Goodnight, pretty girl." Demi whispered and kissed her head once more.

Selena forced herself not to cry when she said it back and Demi raised back up. Demi started to leave, turning Selena's light out and grabbing her jacket. Her hand reached to turn the knob and she turned back.

"Everything is going to be okay, Selena. You know that?"

Selena shrugged her shoulders. "I have to believe it, don't I?"

Then Demi was gone, just as fast as she appeared.


	16. She Will Be Loved

**Hey guys! This chapter is a little short, but it's important! I think She Will Be Loved is just a gorgeous and classic song and really fits in with what's happening with the girls right now. **

**Also, I made a Twitter account for the story since I'm trying to stay kind of anonymous and so many of you are wanting to communicate with me! It's /DYFfanfic**

* * *

**It's not always rainbows and butterflies  
****It's compromise that moves us along  
****My heart is full, and my door's always open  
**Chapter 16: She Will Be Loved

* * *

When Selena's mother lost her baby, that was the last time she saw Demi until they were forced to host a New Years Eve special together. It was strictly business and Demi acted like Selena was just another co-worker and not the girl that she'd loved since she was a child.

Midnight struck and they looked at each other involuntarily. Their eyes found each other like they always did. It was something just supernatural, the way they could find each other and know what the other was thinking with just a look.

Demi's eyes said 'I'm sorry' and Selena's said 'Come back to me soon.'

And that was it. No more late night random visits, or romantic dinners and the most gorgeous flowers on the planet.

No more fights over little things like what they wanted for dinner, and no more fights over big things like whether or not Demi would _eat_ dinner.

It was as if the other girl didn't exist to each of them. They went on with their lives as if they'd never even crossed paths.

* * *

Demi threw herself into music and recovery hard.

She trimmed her workload down and made time for appointments, putting her health above everything else. She thought about it all and smiled when she realized how proud Selena would be of her right now. She'd be smiling at Demi when she got home and hold her hand while Demi told her how it all went.

But she couldn't have another person in her life right now who needed her attention. She knew Selena would never ask for attention or be upset with Demi for putting her health first, but the new Demi, the one who organized beautiful dates and snuck in her window at night, would give Selena nothing but her full attention. And that wasn't something Demi would be able to avoid doing if Selena was back in her life.

She needed time for herself, and she wanted more than anything for Selena to understand.

* * *

While Demi was focusing on herself, Selena was focusing on Justin.

She feels guilty every day.

Their publicity arrangement was in full force and Justin was a gentlemen. He provided safety. He loved her. She had fun with him and it was all just so _easy_. She never stressed about people finding out the way she did when she was with Demi. She could be free now.

And as selfish as it sounded, she was falling in love with the fact that she didn't have to take care of him. Selena was the one being taken care of now. He treated her the way she so desperately wished Demi would have all of those years ago.

Demi was walking to a therapist appointment one afternoon when she saw them at a deli for lunch. He was ordering their food while she sat at a nearby table, playing with a bracelet on her wrist.

Demi smiled so softly, looking at Selena. It had been over three months since she'd last seen her, and she was glowing. Justin brought their sandwiches over to their table, kissing her quickly on the cheek before he sat down.

She looked happy, Demi thought. And it made her happy that Selena was smiling, that she was moving on.

She'd be lying if she said it didn't sting a little bit, seeing the way he gingerly held her hand and the faint smile that was permanently on her face while they ate. It did hurt. But the pain didn't compare to the pure bliss Demi felt seeing her best friend happy, seeing her not have to constantly worry about her health and taking care of Demi. It didn't compare to the feeling of joy Demi had realizing that Selena really was free, and being taken care of instead this time.

Maybe that's what Selena needed for now, Demi thought, to be taken care of for a change.

* * *

They saw each other again at an award show. It wasn't intended and Selena tried her best to avoid an interaction, not wanting to become emotional.

They passed each other backstage and the camera crew went wild, begging for them to pose together. Demi smiled brightly at her, bringing her in for a tight but all too short hug. They posed and the cameras went away, leaving them in an awkward silence

"How are you?" She asked Selena politely. Too polite. Too formal.

"I'm great. Are you good?"

Demi smiled softly and did a one take on Selena's dress and body. She looked pleased when she made eye contact with her again. That glint was back in her brown eyes, and Selena recognized it from when they were fifteen and on top of the world, rich in fame and love.

"I'm doing really good, Selena. It was great to see you." She smiled again, and made a move to walk away. This could not be it, Selena thought to herself. After all of these months without speaking, they couldn't exchange two words that meant nothing and move along.

Afraid that Demi would slip away without as much as another glance, Selena coughed and stuttered out, "Can I have another hug?"

She sounded so small in that moment.

But Demi flashed that brilliant smile and pulled her in like it was the most natural thing in the world. And it was.

"You look absolutely beautiful, pretty girl." She whispered into Selena's ear before pulling away and walking back to God knows where, leaving Selena with a dropped jaw and a blush that felt like fire.

That was it for now, but God was it more than enough.

* * *

"Do you think you're like- bisexual?" He giggles a little bit. She can sense that he's nervous, even though she thinks it's silly for him to be.

Justin was at Selena's house. They were watching bad TV re-runs and eating lots of junk food. It was exactly the things she'd do if Demi were here.

She giggles at the question, but gets quiet while she thinks of the answer. The truth is, she's never thought about it.

"I don't know what I am." She deadpans, a little shocked at the admission. "I mean, I obviously have no problem being with a girl, but I've never thought about any others really."

She was honest. It never occurred to her to define her sexuality, but she'd never questioned it. When she fell for Demi, she never stopped to ponder her sex, it was just Demi. She'd fall in love with that girl no matter what she was.

"I don't ever really think about the boy or girl part of a person, so I guess I am." She admits a little shyly.

"That's okay, you know." He smiles at her, reassuring.

She smiles back and that's the end of the conversation. She loved how simple they were. It reminded her of Demi. Everything reminded her of Demi. Smells, songs, streets.

They sit in silence watching television when a promo for Demi's interview on Ellen appears on the screen. Selena can literally feel the awkward tension fill the air.

She looks down and it leaves the screen, almost as fleeting as Demi walking away from her, only much less painful.

"Do you still love her?"

He doesn't sound angry, just curious.

"What?" She plays dumb.

"Come on," he sits up straighter. "You know what I asked."

She mimics him, sitting up too. "Where did that come from?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. I was just thinking about it."

They sit there in silence for a moment while she thinks of a way to tell him the truth without hurting him. He knows their situation. She's vented to him several times about how much pain she's felt over the past months, dealing with being apart for an amount of time she wasn't sure of.

She doesn't look at him when she whispers, "I think I always will."


	17. Give Me Love

**It's been a while, but I still feel the same  
****Maybe I should let you go****  
**Chapter 17: Give Me Love

* * *

Six months later with no contact at all.

Selena started going on dates that weren't arranged by management after two. She kissed Justin on her own for the first time after three. She stopped feeling guilty after four. Her heart stopped aching and dropping to the pit of her stomach whenever she saw Demi's face on television after five. And today, six months later, her publicity arrangement with Justin was supposed to end.

They both had a duel meeting with their publicity teams that afternoon, and they would discuss the end of the relationship and mutually agree on a reason for publishing.

They sit around a table with men in suits and papers and it all feels so terrible for Selena, letting these practical strangers dictate her love life.

The meeting went in one ear and out the other for Selena. All she understood was, "Miss Gomez, you agree to not be seen with Justin anymore, correct?"

She sat there in a chair far too big for her tiny body, swallowing her. Justin looked at her from across the table, obviously saddened and waiting for her answer. She loved the boy. She really did. It was in a way she'd never experienced, but it was love. It wasn't as intense or as deep in her soul as it was with Demi. With Demi, she felt it in her bones. It ran deep and fast and far too rough for either of them to handle.

She missed her. Missed the smell of the shampoo she'd used since they were fourteen, and the way they meshed together with an ease far too syncronized to ever be apart the way they were now. It still hurt, but Selena didn't feel guilty anymore for holding Justin's hand or feeling genuine happiness when he surprised her.

Demi promised they'd find their way back, but it had been almost a full year since they'd made that agreement. Maybe Demi just didn't want it anymore. Maybe she'd figured herself out and realized that Selena wasn't the one she needed to stay healthy.

Maybe Justin was Selena's second chance.

"No." She suddenly spoke out, shocking the table.

"Pardon?"

"No," Selena shook her head with finality. "I don't agree to that. I don't want it to stop."

Justin looked like he'd just won the lottery, and the men sitting around them looked confused. A bald one spoke up, shrugging. "Very well then. I guess we have nothing more to discuss."

Then everyone was gone apart from the two of them. He still sat on the opposite side of the table, looking at her like he didn't know what to believe. She felt a sense of relief that he was still there, still waiting for her to be ready to talk, like he'd done so many times before.

"I care about you. I have fun with you. You make me smile, and you make me forget. It's that simple, okay?" She rested her elbow on the table, exhausted.

The blonde haired boy just smiled lightly, nodding a little. "Okay." He said finally, and got up to grab her hand and lead them out of the door.

* * *

Ten months went by.

_Ten_.

Demi hadn't spoken to Selena in ten months, but that doesn't mean she hadn't seen her, because she had.

She saw her a lot. She watched her, sometimes. Watched her be held by someone who had never hurt her, and who'd be dead if he did. She watched Selena smile with an ease that Demi hadn't seen in so long, a smile that wasn't burdened by trying to save someone that could only save themselves.

That was the conclusion Demi had come to while she'd been away from Selena. Selena had never, ever put herself first. Even when Demi was halfway across the world breaking her heart for the millionth time, Selena would drop her entire life just to tell her everything she needed to hear to be okay again for a little while.

She did save Demi, a million times over and over again. She saved her in every single sense of the word.

She was Demi's first real love. The first person who didn't view her as a product and never made her feel like hiding. She was the one person that Demi would remember and cherish for the rest of her life, no matter where it took the both of them.

And she deserved to be happy.

Demi was ready now. Ready to conquer the world again with Selena by her side and without the need to push her away or hide behind false friends and a town that sucked the life out of people.

But watching Selena sneak Justin a kiss in a coffee shop and smile at the ground, Demi realized that maybe _Selena_ wasn't ready. Maybe she had to move on for now, and for once in their lives, maybe Demi should let Selena be free for a while until she was ready too.

So she walked home and tried to put Selena's happiness first for a change.

* * *

She met Wilmer and he didn't treat her the way she knew she deserved to be treated. He never called when he was supposed to and his kisses were way too rough.

They were on and off for a long time, but the last straw came when he threw a party at his house one night and invited her over. Demi was over a year sober, but it still wasn't easy or the best idea to be surrounded by alcohol and drugs and people who don't understand.

"Hey baby," Wilmer kissed her hard and she tasted beer and smoke on his breath.

"Some party," she looked around the house and he nodded proudly before wrapping his arm around her waist and grabbing her ass.

Demi moved his hand and scoffed. He ignored it because he was too drunk to care.

"Here, drink this." He shoved a glass into her hand and liquor just radiated out of it. She poured it down the sink they were standing next to.

"What the fuck?" He half yelled. Demi looked at him like he was the biggest moron on the planet.

"I can't drink, Wilmer. You know that!"

He scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Oh whatever. Maybe you should just learn some self control then."

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" She narrowed her eyes, nostrils flaring.

"It means that maybe if you weren't so damn weak, you could have a drink at a fucking party without going nuts." He said it so calmly, like it was a joke. He was mocking her. Mocking her problems and downing a shot right in front of her like it wasn't the most disrespectful thing in the world.

"Fuck you," she spat. Her blood was boiling.

"Already played that game, baby." He smirked at her like an asshole in high school trying to look cool in front of his friends. Only this time, he was just a jerk with nothing to prove, just a nineteen year old girl's heart to break.

Demi turned on her heels and found her car outside, letting out a choked sob when the door closed. She covered her mouth, trying to calm herself down, but only ending up sobbing into her hands and cursing herself for ever letting him in. For trusting him when all the signs pointed not to.

It had been many months since she'd felt this low. Giving herself to someone in that way used to be easy and meant nothing to her. It was all fun and ways to cope with the pain of _being_ her. And she always felt like shit afterwards, like she was emptying herself out little by little to strangers.

It had been a long time since then, and she'd come a long way. But tonight, she felt like that sixteen year old who'd just been fucked by someone who didn't care if she even made it home. And it took everything in her body to not find a drink. It took everything not to find a razor.

She drove for hours through Los Angeles without a clue of direction. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going, really. She only drove and concentrated on not giving in to temptations she was going to fight with for the rest of her life.

At nearly three in the morning, she found herself parked on the street outside of Selena's house. She didn't look up to the house, she just looked down and tried to keep her breathing even. She didn't mean to end up here, but she always did.

She thinks she always will.

Demi stayed parked in her car for twenty-three minutes before her phone rang. She picked it up and said nothing.

Selena's sweet, sleepy voiced flowed to her ears like a melody she'd almost forgotten, but remembered just as soon as she spoke one word.

"Is that you down there?"

Demi let out a stifled version of "Mhm" before losing control of her tears once again. She cried into the phone and Selena didn't say a word.

"Can I please-," Demi started, but choked on her words, "Can I please come up?"

Selena didn't hesitate for even an entire second before saying yes.

She was waiting outside of the front door when Demi got up to her porch. Selena's hair was in a messy bun and no make up was in sight. An old t-shirt hugged her body and her pajama pants were red. She looked rested and more beautiful than Demi remembered.

"Pretty girl," is what Demi sighed into Selena's shoulder when she wrapped Demi into the tightest hug she'd felt from anyone in months.

Selena shut the door behind them without letting Demi go. She led them to her couch and sat beside her, close enough to grab her if she started crying again but far enough away to remind them that this isn't the same.

"Talk to me." She said softly with concern laced in her sleepy voice.

Demi told her everything about her night. Including Wilmer's comment about fucking her, and Selena's breath hitched at the sight of Demi visibly falling apart in front of her for the first time in so long.

"I'm sorry I came here, but I didn't know where else to go." She cried hard into Selena's shoulder.

Selena ran her hand through her hair and concentrated hard on not crying. "I miss you so much, Selena." Demi cried out, her words running together. Selena felt her heart ache in a way that hurt just as much as it didn't.

"I've been ready for so long now, Sel." She whispered in her broken voice, and pulled back. Before Selena could respond to the outburst, Demi was kissing her.

She could taste Demi's tears and it made her shiver. It was not romantic. It wasn't tender or rough. It was painful. It hurt Selena in so many ways she couldn't count. It hurt because she wanted it. It hurt because she felt like she needed it, deep in her soul. She knew this was and would always be right.

But it was also so wrong.

"Stop it." She whispered against Demi's mouth. Demi didn't respond, just pulled back with a look of complete confusion washed over her freckled face.

"You can't do this to me," Selena whispered, not trusting her voice enough to speak up. "You can't come in here after so long and kiss me like that." She didn't look Demi in the eye.

"Why not?"

Selena's face wrinkled up in the most painful expression Demi had seen many times before. She'd seen it when she said things that hurt Selena in the most reckless ways.

"I waited for you for so long, Demi." She choked on Demi's name. "I waited for you to come back for me." The way she said it, Demi would never forget. "I let you go because I knew you needed it. But months and months passed and you never came back, Dem. You never came back." Selena's voice broke in a way that Demi never wanted to hear or feel.

"I moved on. I got on with my life because I thought you weren't coming back. And you can't just- you can't come in here and make me want to dump everything I've worked on while you've been gone with just one fucking kiss. Don't you get it? I love him, Demi. I love him, and you kiss me _once_ and make me forget his name. It isn't fair to me." She was in tears that wouldn't stop.

Demi didn't know what to say. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

"It isn't like you don't have a choice, Selena. I'm not asking you to throw it all away."

Selena stood up and looked at Demi with intensity in her eyes. "I've _never_ had a choice when it comes to you."

Demi had forgotten why she was upset before she got here. Selena made her forget everything bad.

"I just wanted to let you be happy." She whispered to Selena, who was pacing back and forth wiping at her eyes. She stopped in her tracks and turned to Demi.

"How long ago?" She asked.

"What?"

"How long ago was it when you decided you were ready?" She stared holes through Demi.

Demi shrugged, not liking where this was headed. "A little while after I visited you when your Mom lost Scarlett" She looked down. Anywhere but Selena's eyes. She knew she messed up now.

Selena didn't say anything for a while, but Demi could feel her stare.

After the heaviest silence, Selena shook her head. "How could you let me wander around for all of those months, thinking you weren't ever coming back to me?" She sounded so genuinely hurt, it broke Demi's heart.

"I saw you with him. It wasn't just about me getting better, Selena. You had things to work on too and I wanted to make sure you were ready too. You just looked so happy. And I guess I felt like you were better off."

Selena grabbed Demi's hands and looked her in the eye. "How could you ever think that? I couldn't _breathe_, Demi." She gasped. "I couldn't breathe."

"That's my point, Sel. You've spent forever putting me ahead of your own happiness." She stroked Selena's thumb with her own, tears building back up.

"But you made me happy." Her voice cracked, and Demi would be lying if she said that it didn't sting hearing that sentence in the past tense.

"I wanted you to be with someone who would take care of you this time. You've taken care of me for as long as I've known you. It isn't _fair_."

Selena shook her head and let a tear fall freely down her face, not wanting to let go of Demi's hands. "None of it has ever been fair, Demi."

"I know." Demi stroked Selena's face, wiping away the tear. Selena closed her eyes at the contact and Demi realized just within that moment how she'd never find anything like this, no matter how hard she looked. She'd never find a person so beautiful in every way a person can _be_ beautiful.

"Where do we go from here, pretty girl?"

There it was. The million dollar question.


	18. Dreams

**You say you want your freedom  
Well who am I to keep you down?  
**Chapter 18: Dreams

* * *

"Where do we go from here, pretty girl?"

There it was. The million dollar question.

Selena said nothing for a few minutes. Her cheeks red and lips swollen from a kiss that shouldn't have hurt as much or felt as good as it did. She stared at Demi for a while, praying that she'd find a solution in the girl's eyes.

She didn't.

Selena wanted her. She'd be lying if she said that it was easy to push Demi away, to stop that kiss. It wasn't easy. It was what she wanted so badly, what she had craved for so long. She craved it when she and Demi ended their relationship for the first time all those years ago. She craved it when Demi locked herself away for months to conquer her demons. She even craved it when she got it all back for a bit, when Demi finally came back to her.

Selena had decided on Demi. She decided on her so many years ago. Because she loved the way Demi smelled and the way she smiled into kisses. She loved how effortlessly she lost herself in a song and how goofy her laugh was.

She didn't want anyone else, she didn't think about anybody else because she _decided_ on Demi. How wonderful and horrible it is to be fourteen and decided.

And now she's nineteen and lost without a clue in the world, staring back at the girl she'd decided on. The same girl that just asked her the most loaded question. The girl who just handed her heart to her for the first time ever, and gave Selena permission to decide what to do with it now.

And Demi looked back at Selena with hope, fear and impatience all in her brown eyes at once.

She was ready now. She was ready for everything.

"I won't hurt you anymore, I promise you that." She shook out with the saddest attempt of strength in her voice. But it broke and she felt more vulnerable in that moment than she ever did at treatment.

Selena let another tear fall down her face and stopped bothering with wiping them away.

She grabbed Demi's hands. "I love you." She whispered. "You know I love you. And I want to be with you just as much as I did yesterday and the day before that."

"Then be with me." Demi begged, gripping Selena's hands tightly.

"It isn't that simple anymore! You can't just tell me to jump, Demi. It's not just us anymore. I have another person to think about. We're not fifteen anymore. Don't you see that?"

Demi shook her head, a look of hurt on her face mixed with disappointment and just pure sadness. "I just thought-," she started, and lost her breath, hand covering her chest.

Selena's heart broke in two at the sight of it. She reached for her involuntarily, pulling Demi's head to her chest and crying again when she felt Demi's sobs rob her breath and shake her body.

She held her so close. Both of them broken, both crying, both not knowing what was next.

"I know you thought that once you got better, it could happen for us." Selena whispered to her, mouth against Demi's hair. "I thought that too. But I didn't realize that I needed to get better too, Dem."

Demi didn't respond, she just sat still with her arms wrapped around Selena's waist.

"I got really, really messed up over the past five years. I know you didn't mean it, but the way that our dynamic worked wore down on me so much." She closed her eyes tightly, the bad memories flashing. "I literally knew and wanted nothing but you. It wasn't healthy. I never even knew myself."

"I'm sorry." Demi mumbled into her chest and Selena gently ran her hands through her hair.

"It's okay, Demi. It's okay. You were my best friend, and you needed me. There isn't anything to question. It just got out of hand too quickly. And honestly, I've never told you this, but-" she choked up, causing Demi to pull back and look at her.

"I never told you this, but I kind of started to blame myself for our relationship being so fucked up then. I always tried to fix you by loving you harder and harder, until we crossed lines that maybe shouldn't have been crossed."

Demi shook her head. "You don't mean that."

"Maybe you didn't really want it, and you weren't stable enough to know that. Or to reject it," she looked down.

Demi grabbed her face gently, looking her in the eye and making sure she understood every word she spoke. "Wanting you was the _only_ thing I was ever, ever sure of. No matter what I said or did to try to convince you otherwise, I've known forever, Selena. If you didn't kiss me when we were thirteen I would have kissed you when we were fourteen. I'm sure. I've never been more sure."

Selena broke eye contact before she lost control. If she kept looking at Demi while she said the most beautiful things, Selena wouldn't have a chance.

"You're finding excuses because you're scared, Selena. But you don't _have_ to be."  
"I care about him," is the only thing Selena uttered back.

Demi looked down, wanting so desperately to find a way to reverse all of this.

"I can't hurt him. I've been hurt and I've been thrown aside and he's good to me. He's shown me all over again what it means to love someone without fear. I'm not afraid of him hurting me." Selena let out a long breath.

"And I've hurt you more than anyone," Demi concluded, sniffling and nodding her head like she finally understood.

"I just want to experience things, Demi. I want to live my life, and it's too complicated for me right now." Selena's voice sounded so sad and so gentle. It made it harder.  
Demi dropped her head to Selena's shoulder, lying there and wiping her face.

They realized then that perhaps their biggest obstacle was their own impatience and desperation for one another. They'd give up their own health and sanity just to be with the other. And that is what led them here, not taking any time to put themselves first.

"Can you understand that?" Selena asked timidly.

Demi sighed, and grabbed Selena's hand, her head still resting on her shoulder. "I just want you to be happy, Selena. That's all I want."

"Thank you," she whispered back and dropped a kiss to the top of Demi's head, lingering her lips there.

They sat there in silence for a little bit, just leaning on each other. Selena picked up Demi's hand and flipped it, looking at her freshly tattoo covered wrists.

"I'm so proud of you." Selena said, running her fingers along Demi's wrists. She put her arm around Demi, holding her.

"We can be friends again right? No more not speaking?" Selena asked her.

"I really want that." Demi nodded against her shoulder.

Selena could sense how disappointed Demi was and it broke her heart. She leaned her head on top of Demi's, their hands still intertwined.

"You know how much I love you. You're amazing. You deserve the world, and it isn't fair for you to have to continue your journey being with someone who can't be completely there for you. You deserve someone who can, and I'm not that person right now." A tear dropped down Selena's cheek again as she spoke in the softest voice to Demi. "One day I want to be that person for you. But I just don't think it's today, Dem."

Demi raised up finally and wiped at her eyes, makeup completely destroyed. "I really do love you, pretty girl." She smiled softly and used the pad of her thumb to clear Selena's tears. "You're my best friend."

"You're my best everything, Demi."

Demi smiled and leaned forward to kiss Selena's hairline before going back to her previous position on Selena's shoulder.

"So he's good to you?" She asked Selena awkwardly.

"Yeah, he really is Dem."

Demi sighed with content, satisfied with her answer, but still so disappointed.


	19. In the Sun

**I was caught in between  
All you wish for and all you need  
**Chapter 19: In the Sun

* * *

"Friends" meant things now that it never meant to them before.

It meant hanging out, and being close. But it also meant boundaries. Knowing how close was too close.

And boundaries had never existed to them before.

Selena texted Demi to see if she had plans, because she was afraid of letting her slip away. She was scared that after she rejected her, that was it.

'_Do you want to hang out tonight?'_

Demi's response came quickly. '_Definitely_.'

'_I was thinking we could have dinner. Is it okay if Justin comes? I want you guys to meet._'

Demi didn't reply for half an hour. She didn't know if she could stomach being around them together. Holding hands, kidding. But she knew Selena wanted this to work, and all Demi wanted was to be close to Selena.

'_That sounds great. That cool Japanese Steakhouse at 8?' _

'_Cant wait :)'_ was the simple reply that made Demi smile for the first time all morning.

* * *

Selena and Justin got there first, and sat opposite of each other. Mostly because Selena wanted to sit beside Demi.

"Are you sure this won't be awkward Sel?" He asked Selena while he chewed on a roll.

"It'll be okay," she shrugged. "Just don't ask anything about treatment or us."

He nodded and his eyes drifted to the door where Demi had just walked in. She was wearing a black dress with a leather jacket. Her hair was straight and she wore a bright smile.

Justin stood up when she got to the table, smiling at her politely.

"Hey, Dem." Selena grinned and stood to pull Demi in a huge hug.

Justin smiled again and pulled Demi into a one armed side hug. "Good to see you." He said smoothly.

"You too, you too."

She slid into the booth next to Selena. Selena immediately smelled the perfume Demi always wore when they went out, and tried her damn hardest not to fall into her.

Conversation flowed surprisingly easily between the three of them. They talked about Justin going on tour and the album he'd been working on. Demi made jokes and Selena was happy that she was laughing again.

"So what do you have planned next?" Justin asked Demi when they finished eating.

"Well, nothing is really in stone yet. But I got offered a judging position on the X Factor." Demi replied with a hint of excitement.

"What? That's amazing Demi!" Selena almost screamed, getting a look from the women in the booth behind them.

Justin nodded. "That's really cool. Are you gonna do it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'd like to, but I don't know if I'm really in the position to be a musical mentor."

"Oh shut up. Music is your life. You know it inside and out. Do it." Selena scoffed and Demi almost blushed.

Justin excused himself to the restroom, leaving the two girls alone.

"He seems really great, Sel."

Selena tilted her head. "Yeah? You think so?"

Demi nodded and sipped her water. Selena watched the girl with so much pride in her heart. She was becoming such a strong, kind young woman. Growing up with her and loving her was such a privilege, Selena mused.

Justin was on his way to back to the table from the restroom. When he came closer to the table he observed the two girls laughing hard over something Demi had said.

Selena laughed hard and her hand fell onto Demi's knee. It didn't bother him until he noticed that she didn't move it. It stayed there and she was so close and so comfortable with Demi. It was clear that their boundaries weren't clear.

He coughed while he approached them to sit back down and Selena's hand immediately snapped back into her own lap.

Justin paid for all of their food, and held the door open for the girls. He really was sweet, and it pained Demi just how much.

But it also made her happy because if she couldn't have Selena, at least she was losing her to a boy who treated her like he did.

They walked Demi down to her car and Justin gave her a sweet and quick hug. "It was good to see you. We should do this again soon."

Selena embraced her then and Justin pretended to be busy on his phone, stepping away. Her arms closed around Demi's neck and she breathed in that scent.

"I'm glad we did this, _friend_." She giggled and squeezed her.

"Me too, pretty girl."

"I'll text you later." Selena smiled and then she found Justin's hand.

Demi waved them goodbye and watched them sway their intertwined hands between them as they walked to Justin's car.

* * *

Justin was being way too quiet in the car taking Selena home. He didn't have music on either, and looked like he was struggling to get something out.

"Are you okay?" Selena finally asked.

"You love her." He said it as if it were fact.

Selena opened and closed her mouth. She didn't like this, because she did love Demi. Justin wasn't lying. She'd even told him so.

"It's never going to be just you and me. She's always gonna be there." He wasn't looking at her while he spoke, just staring ahead blankly. "I see the way you look at her, and the way she looks back. It's the same way I look at you."

"You can't ask me to cut her out." Selena said, a begging tone to her voice.

He shook his head. "I'm not. But there has to be boundaries, Selena. I can't keep watching you guys touch and hug and act like it doesn't bother me. I'm your boyfriend. I've tried to be cool but I know how you two feel about each other, and I feel like I'm just waiting for you both to feel it at the same time. Then that's it for us."

Selena sighed, because there was some truth to that. It honestly had always been a matter of them both being ready for one another at the same time. And Selena knew in her heart that if she was ready the other night when Demi begged for her back, Justin would have been gone.

"But I'm with you right now, aren't I?" She said.

"Selena, I don't want to sound like an asshole. But you're gonna have to choose."

"I already did." She sighed again.

He turned, confused. "What do you mean?"

Then she explained everything. She explained Demi coming to her at three in the morning and the confessions and the tears. And she explained how ultimately, she chose him. She chose herself first this time.

She also left out the kiss and how badly she wanted to slam Demi back on that couch and continue it.

"You chose me?" He asked with shock laced in his voice.

Selena nodded simply. "I chose living in the moment, with you. I spent so many years worrying about the future and then being stuck in the past. I just want to be here, right now. And that's with you."

He leaned over, a happy smile on his nearly flawless face. He kissed her softly. And it wasn't the same. But it was happy, and it was everything she needed at this time in her life.

And that's why for now, she chose him.

But that night, she still sent Demi a text when she got home.

_'It was amazing to see you and spend some time with you.'_

_'Back at you, pretty girl.'_


	20. Treacherous

**I can't decide if it's a choice  
Getting swept away  
I hear the sound of my own voice  
Asking you to stay  
**Chapter 20: Treacherous

* * *

It was a few weeks later when Demi decided to do X Factor after all. She figured it would keep her busy and that's exactly what she needed. She needed time to work and to focus on something other than winning over Selena.

Selena was always away filming movies or jetting off to follow Justin around the planet. Demi could see how hard Selena really _was_ falling for him, and it completely broke her heart in ways she'd never really felt before. She'd never had competition with Selena, ever. It was never a question to her whether or not she'd be chosen ultimately by Selena.

But this wasn't even a competition. He could give her literally anything she wanted at any time, and Selena had never known that with Demi. It was always a guessing game. It was Demi being crazy and Selena waiting on her hand and foot, almost pathetically, looking back now.

So Demi needed something to focus hard on instead of focusing on how easily Justin and Selena fit together. It hurt to watch and she wasn't going to sit around and cry forever.

She got the young adult category and it was full of people with talent, full of kids who just didn't know what the hell they were getting themselves into. She wondered sometimes, looking at them, how many of them were going to get sucked into the traps she did. How many would let those traps all but ruin their lives and strip their best friend and greatest love away.

She wanted to protect them, in a way.

And that's what she'll tell herself to make her feel better about pinning Jennel Garcia to a wall in her house the day she decided who'd be advancing to the live shows. She contained herself until Nick left the house.

Jennel was hot, and Demi had an eye on her ever since her first audition. She tried her hardest to drop hints, and when Jennel chose 'I Kissed A Girl' to sing in front of Demi and Nick, she figured that was enough to justify shoving her into the wall.

"Jesus." Jennel gasps, out of breath when Demi pulls away. "What was that?"

"I like you, and I can tell you like me too." Demi shrugs and smiles at the brown haired girl that had a bright smile and crazy sex appeal.

"Apparently." She giggles back and there's a small blush on her cheeks right before she flips them around, smacking Demi's back against the wall and kissing her for everything she's worth. Demi would have time to think about all of it later, but right now she was thoroughly enjoying exchanging kisses with a brunette again.

* * *

They fool around every time they are supposed to be rehearsing.

It gets to the point where Jennel is staying at Demi's more than she stays at the X Factor house, which is completely against the rules. But neither of them care.

Demi can't get over how wonderful it feels to sleep next to someone nearly every night. Someone small and petite with long hair and sweet kisses, and someone who gives her so much attention. It reminds her of being fourteen and adored and smothered with unconditional, almost irrational love.

She has to bite her tongue most nights when Jennel is fucking her from saying Selena's name.

"Is this ever going to be more?" Jennel asks her one night after she rolls off of her naked body.

Demi pushes her sweaty bangs out of her eyes. "More than what?"

"More than sex."

She looks at Demi like her world might end if she doesn't say yes. Say that she's going to run off and marry Jennel when the show ends and they'll live happily ever after.

But Demi isn't in love with her. And she's honest with Jennel when she tells her, "I'm sorry, but it's not the right time for me to be with someone. Not like that anyway."

Jennel rolls over away from Demi, her face buried in a pillow. It's quiet for almost ten minutes, just the sounds of their deep breaths and the wall clock ticking away, counting the seconds until this turns into something way more complicated than Demi signed up for in the beginning.

"I think I'm in love with you." Jennel whispers into the night. It echoes off of the walls, and Demi almost forgot how that felt, hearing someone say it so clearly. Jennel doesn't move an inch, but Demi can almost tell how fast her heart was beating.

She doesn't reply to the confession. She reaches out slowly, touching Jennel's bare back and she can feel her shaking with nerves.

"I'm _so_ sorry," she whispers to the younger girl, and she means it. She means it because it hasn't been too long since she's been in her position, begging someone she loved to be with her only for the other person to not be ready.

Jennel turns around at the touch and buries herself in Demi's neck, crying silently in a way that scares Demi so much and reminds her of Selena sobbing into her neck countless nights when they were younger after Demi had done something stupid for the millionth time.

She wraps her arms around her so tightly and so protective, sighing. "I want to be that person for you really badly, Jennel. I do. But I can't."

"Then why did you kiss me that day? Why have you been sleeping with me?" She choked out.

Demi sighed, shaking her head and running small circles with her hands on Jennel's back. "Because I loved the way you looked at me. I haven't been looked at that way in a very, very long time."

"I think I should go." Jennel sighed after a few minutes, after she'd calmed down. She gathered her scattered clothes from Demi's floor, running a hand through her tangled hair.

Demi watched with a sadness in her eyes. She'd just fucked this kid up, majorly. And she felt terrible about it. She should have never kissed her, never made her feel like this was more just because she was weak and missed stupid Selena looking at her like she was made out of gold.

When she isn't hurting herself, she's hurting other people.

* * *

Jennel was in the bottom two the following week and Demi tried to save her. She owed her that much, she guessed.

Around midnight that same night, Jennel showed up at her place, suitcases behind her.

"I just wanted to come and officially say goodbye, I guess." She shrugged, sounding so small and looking like she'd been crying all night.

Demi immediately enveloped her in a huge hug. "I'm going to miss you so much." She mumbled into Jennel's shoulder.

Jennel sniffled and wrapped her arms around Demi's waist.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm not bitter." Jennel softly said. Demi pulled back and raised her eyebrow. "For the way things happened with us. I care about you, a lot more than is mentor-mentee appropriate," she chuckled and wiped at a tear absent-mindedly. "And I know that you cared in your own way. We just weren't on the same page, and I can't blame you for that." She finished and looked down at the ground, focused on her feet, anywhere but Demi's eyes.

"Look at me." Demi cupped her chin affectionately, forcing her to look at her.

"One day, you're gonna find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. And you're going to fall in love the right way." She wiped away one of Jennel's tears quickly. "I know I'm supposed to help you with music or whatever, but you know you've got the talent to do whatever you want. I just needed to make sure that you leave here knowing that things don't ever have to be the way it was with us. And I apologize for the way it was." She let out a long breath and kissed Jennel's forehead firmly. "You have so much love to give, Jennel. Make sure the person you give it to can give it back."

Jennel nodded in response, pure sadness in her eyes. "Thank you, for everything. You really have taught me so much."

Demi nodded sadly. "Bye, baby girl."

Jennel reached up and kissed Demi sweetly and slowly on the lips, hers enveloping Demi's top lip, lingering for a moment with her eyes closed tightly. It was barely even sexual, just mostly really sad and really reeking of a goodbye. "I hope that you find whatever it is that you're looking for, Demi. I really do."

Then she turned around and rolled her suitcases away from Demi's door and for the last time ever, Demi watched her leave.

"Me too," she whispered to no one. "Me too."

* * *

Meanwhile, Selena was being taken out on dates in rented out Staple Centers, and given jewelry that costed more than her car.

It was sweet and it was easy, being with him. They never fought and it was always light, she always felt like she was in a relationship that worked on both sides. Both of them were all in.

They were two years strong. He became her best friend, and it was involuntary because of all the time they spent together.

She couldn't find anything wrong with him. He protected her, her parents loved him, he was genuine. She could feel herself being swept away by him and it was scary.

They just landed back in LA after going to Europe for one of Justin's promotional affairs. Justin was dropping Selena off at her house before he went _back_ to the airport to jet off to Canada. She had interviews and photoshoots that wouldn't allow her to join him.

"I got you something, Sel." He smiled brightly, beaming with excitement.

"No you didn't!" She playfully hit his arm.

Justin reached in his backseat to pull a box out of his backpack. He opened it up slowly, glancing up to look at Selena. A diamond bracelet shined in the black velvet box.

"Justin." She shook her head, smiling at him. "This is too much."

"Nothing is too much for you, crazy." He slipped it around her wrist, tightening it. "I'm going to miss you, and I just wanted to get you something to say thank you for coming along to support me and be there these past few weeks."

Selena admired her new jewelry and looked at him in awe.

"You're just so amazing, Sel. I know that sounds so cliche and probably not the coolest or most creative way to say it, but I don't really know how else to." He giggled, blushing like she'd never seen him.

"I love you," is the only thing she said in response. And she said it with ease, so much that it genuinely surprised her when it came out of her mouth.

He said it back and kissed her sweetly on the lips, saying his goodbyes before taking off for the airport again.

Selena got inside and sat down in the floor, right against the door. She realized when she'd kissed Justin and gotten her bags, that she meant it when she said she loved him. It wasn't an arrangement or a way to get over Demi anymore. It was real. She loved the boy, and she loved him with no reservations or fear. It was official.

So it made no sense to her why after she realized that she was in love with Justin, she was sitting in her floor wide eyed and on the verge of tears thinking about Demi Lovato.

Her smile, specifically. And how much she missed it.

She should be happy, she should be glowing. But no, she's melancholy. And it's all because she realized that this was the beginning and the end of something for her.

She was calling her before she even registered what she was doing.

"Hello?" Demi's voice filled her ears.

"Are you busy? I want to see you."

"Is everything okay?" Demi immediately asked her. It had been a while since they'd talked, even longer since they'd actually seen each other. It all just became too hard.

"I'm coming over. Are you home?" She avoided the question because honestly, she didn't know.

"Yeah, I'm home."

Selena told her she was on her way and hung up, and Demi tried hard to regain her normal breathing. She knew something was wrong, things didn't feel right to her. It had been too damn long and Selena wouldn't reach out just to catch up.

She was at Demi's house within twenty minutes and didn't bother knocking. Demi was sitting on the couch, still in her pajamas when Selena came in and sat beside her, not saying anything. She honestly didn't even know why she came there.

"Are you okay, Selena?" Demi asked, sitting up a little straighter.

Selena didn't look directly at Demi, but shook her head lightly and sighed. "It's Justin."

"I'll fucking kill him. What did he do?" Demi spat with anger in her voice that made Selena almost laugh.

Again, she shook her head at Demi. "I love him."

Nothing else was said for minutes. Demi felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She wondered if this was some kind of joke, some kind of hateful prank just to make her nauseous and upset. It was so quiet in her house, only the sounds of their breathing echoed throughout and Selena didn't bear to look up, even though Demi was staring daggers at her.

"Just go, Selena." She said with an even voice.

"What?" She finally looked at her.

Demi scoffed. "Is this some kind of joke? We haven't seen each other in months and you barge in here randomly to tell me you're in_ love_? I'm happy for you, Selena. I really am. But it be more polite for you to let me suffer without rubbing it in my face."

"No! That isn't what I was doing, Demi. I came to tell you because I-" She lost her words, looking around the place and looking so lost. "I don't know why. All I know is I realized it and the first thing I wanted to do was see you. And I don't know why."

Demi let the words sink in, not really knowing what to say or what Selena even meant. _Selena_ didn't even know what Selena meant.

"I'm happy for you." She finally whispered, failing terribly at hiding the disappointment. "But I don't know what you want from me anymore."

Selena sighed heavily and shrugged. "I just want you to tell me it's okay."

"I'm not going to tell you that I'm glad you're better off without me, Selena. I love you so much, and I want more than anything in the entire world for you to be truly happy, I do. But it _hurts,_ Sel. It hurts so much." Demi admitted and barely got out, choking on her words. "I know you want my approval, but it isn't fair to ask me for it. Don't you get that?"

Selena nodded sadly. "It's never been fair with us, has it?"

Demi just shook her head, trying so hard not to cry. There was a part of her hoping that Selena was coming over today to tell her that she was all hers. That she was ready now.

"Can you just hold me?" Selena asked nervously and Demi nodded without hesitation, opening up a blanket for Selena to curl into her under. She scooted into Demi's arms with an ease that came with doing it for so long. They didn't say anything for a long time, Demi just ran her hands through Selena's hair and laughed inwardly at the fact that Selena needed to be comforted for being in love. It was just another twisted part of their world that made no sense to anyone other than them. It couldn't be explained in words, why Selena needed to see her and be held by her after she realized that she loved Justin for real. It made no sense. But Demi kind of understood after a while, and she made no hesitation to comfort her once best friend.

"I'm sorry." Selena finally broke. "I'm so sorry, Demi." She was sobbing, sounding so, so sad.

Demi cried too, but said nothing. She just held Selena tighter


	21. What it Takes

Your love made me a prisoner  
And my heart's been doing time  
Tell me what it takes to let you go  
**Chapter 21: What it Takes **

* * *

Demi kept herself busy with X Factor and got increasingly tired of it as it went on. Simon was an asshole, Britney had little to no personality, and LA was just kind of delusional and goofy. She became close to CeCe, but made a huge effort to not make the same mistake she did with Jennel. And one day while she was backstage in her dressing room, Wilmer appeared, making this whole building she was in seem even more damn horrible.

"Who let you in here?" She asked angrily when he knocked on her door and came in.

"Calm down, Demi. I just want to talk." He held his hands up and presented flowers for her.

She grabbed them away and tossed them on her couch. "You have five minutes."

"Fair enough." He nodded and rubbed his hands together, trying to find the right words. "I just wanted to apologize, for everything. For the way I acted at my house most of all. I was an asshole on more than one occasion and I realize it."

Demi crossed her arms. "Apology accepted, but I don't want to be with you again Wilmer."

He shook his head in response. "No, I didn't come to ask to be your boyfriend. I just want to be friends. We were really good friends for a while, Demi. You remember." Demi nodded, shrugging. "And I wanted to tell you that I'm in AA, and I'm currently three and a half weeks sober."

Demi's expression softened at that, genuinely happy for him. "That's really great. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you." He smiled that charming smile that Demi was so attracted to a few years ago. "And I think us being friends again would help me a lot. You're strong, and I want to be that way."

She eyed him skeptically. "Just friends? No bullshit?"

He nodded. "No bullshit."

"Deal." She said, thinking it over. He wasn't a terrible person, and if he really wanted to get sober, good for him.

* * *

Taylor got a break from promoting her new album and invited Selena over to hang out and watch movies one night in LA. It had been entirely too long since Selena had seen her friend, and as soon as Taylor opened her front door she crushed her in a huge hug.

"Woah!" Taylor squealed happily, laughing and returning the hug just as tightly.

"Sorry," Selena chuckled. "I missed you so much." Taylor pulled back and gave Selena a knowing smile. She ushered her into her home and they plopped down on the couch. The table in front of it was filled with junk food and movies. It reminded her so much of Demi and how they used to hang out the same way, only there would be less watching movies and more making out.

"How are you and Justin?" Taylor asked when they were halfway into Little Black Book, popping a twizzler in her mouth.

Selena shrugged. "We're great, really. He's really good to me."

Taylor smiled, but didn't really look all that convinced or interested. "And what about you and the other one? Anything new happen there since we talked last?"

Selena opened a pickle jar and ate one of them, chewing it up before raising her eyebrow at the blonde. "The other one?" She asked, knowing exactly who Taylor was talking about.

"You know who I'm talking about. Your other one!"

"Demi is not my other one." Selena said rolling her eyes playfully.

Taylor scoffed at her. "She'll always be your other one, Sel."

Selena froze for a moment, thinking about how true that statement was and wishing like hell it wasn't. Demi would always be the other one, the one she always thinks about last before she goes to sleep, wondering where she is and how she's doing. Demi could call her at four in the morning and if she heard a crack in her voice, Selena would go running across the planet just to make sure she was okay. Even now. Even after everything, Selena would.

"You okay? I didn't mean to upset you. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want." Taylor offered, placing her hand on Selena's thigh to comfort her.

"It's okay." She breathed. "I actually went to see her a few weeks ago."

"Yeah?" Taylor was using her soft, caring voice. The one that meant she was all ears and going to try her best to give the greatest advice ever when Selena was finished.

Selena nodded. "I told Justin I loved him. And the first thing I did was go see her, and I don't know why." She sounded so defeated, like she'd tried to figure it out nonstop for the past few weeks, trying to come up with some sort of logical explanation.

"What did she say?"

"She was angry at first, told me to leave." Selena chuckled a little. "I told her I just wanted her to tell me it was okay, you know?" Taylor nodded. "I wanted her to be like, it's fine, be happy. But she was just _so_ hurt, Tay. And I just broke down and apologized to her over and over. It was so horrible. I cried for days."

Taylor blinked and nodded, like she was taking all of the information in before she commented. "She loves you still, you get that right?"

Selena fought a blush and shook her head naively. "I don't know, I mean she's been with Wilmer on and off and I'm pretty sure she was fucking that girl she mentored on the X Factor. Maybe she's just jealous that I've moved on and she hasn't?" She asked more than stated, and knew how ridiculous she sounded before Taylor even responded.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say."

Selena sighed, defeated. She knew it was ridiculous. This was tearing her apart inside, hurting her so much. She loved Demi, and she'd never be able to deny that. But Demi had denied her so many times in the past that she felt permanently screwed up from it. And Justin never denied her anything. That's why this was so hard.

Taylor grabbed her hand softly, getting her attention. "Why aren't you guys together, Selena?" She sounded so genuinely confused and interested in the answer.

"Because I'm with Justin now. It's for the best and-"

"It's not for the best. You're pretending it's for the best because that's easier. You're just afraid. " Taylor cut her off, sudden annoyance in her voice that confused Selena.

"Wow." She said, bitterness in her voice. Taylor wasn't being supportive, and that really pissed her off.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. But it's my job to be honest with you, Selena. And I've never seen you happier than when you were with her, even when she was crazy."

"Do _not_ fucking call her that. Ever." Selena snapped.

Taylor sighed, running a hand through her messy blonde locks. "I'm sorry. You know that isn't what I meant. I just don't get it. You two love each other, everything else aside, what else is there to figure out?"

Selena stood up quickly, her eyes narrow and anger clear in the brown. "It isn't that fucking easy, Taylor! Why doesn't anyone understand that? You don't get it, my parents don't get it, Demi doesn't get it. I was hurting _all_ of the time, Taylor. I was so broken and so _sad_ all of the fucking time. She wasn't just hurting herself all of those years. She _killed_ me," her voice broke at last and Taylor's heart clenched. "I was so in love with her that I let her. I let her do anything she wanted because I just wanted her. I'm afraid that's exactly how it'll be again and I can't take it. I can't." She wiped her eyes and shook her head, so tired and so torn up inside.

"Come here." Taylor whispered and opened up her long arms. Selena settled in them and Taylor bent down to kiss the top of her head. "I'm sorry, sweetie."

Selena sighed and sniffled. She didn't want to cry anymore. She felt like she'd been crying for the past damn decade over this. "He's just so nice and I'm comfortable with him. I'm not afraid to be with him. I did fall for him, yeah. But not even close to the way I did for her. Not even close. And I don't know what to do anymore."

Taylor sighed too, and slightly shook her head. "One day, you're going to get tired of being comfortable. And you're gonna miss that madness that you feel with her, in a good way. I'm not trying to make your decisions for you, Sel. I just want to help."

Selena curled more into Taylor, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I know you are. I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"It's cool. You're just protective of your lady." She poked Selena in the ribs.

"Oh shut up."

* * *

Demi was getting ready for the finale of the show tonight, and she was anxious at the thought of all of the contestants returning from the season. Mostly because that meant Jennel was coming back.

Jennel hadn't returned any of Demi's texts since she left LA that night. Demi didn't know why she'd been desperately trying to contact the girl, but she could pretty much guess why Jennel wasn't trying to reach her back.

Every time she saw Jennel backstage at the finale show, she tried to flag her down. But Jennel would avoid her at all costs. She'd duck away into a crowd of people or start talking to one of the Stromberg boys. It was beginning to wear Demi down.

She texted Jennel. _'Stop avoiding me. I just wanna talk when you get a chance. I miss you.'_

Demi could see Jennel open it and scan over the words briefly before looking up to find Demi's eyes. She just shook her head at Demi and snapped her phone shut, shoving it deep into her pocket. The top sixteen all performed and it was lovely and all but Demi couldn't focus on anything other than how to get Jennel alone.

When the show finally ended, everyone attended an after party. People were laughing and dancing and talking, all happy to see each other again. Demi watched Jennel the entire time, waiting for her chance to sweep in. Finally, the shorter brunette stopped talking to Camila long enough to go to the bathroom, and Demi followed. She made sure no one else was in the stalls before calling out Jennel's name.

"It's me." She called.

Jennel stumbled out of the stall, her pants unbuttoned. "Heyyyyyyyy," she slurred, grabbing Demi's shoulder for support, "I have been avoiding seeing you." She giggled like it was funny, obviously not understanding what she was saying.

"You're drunk." Demi stated, smelling the alcohol on Jennel's breath. It stung her nostrils. "Why are you drunk?"

"Whatever, Demi. Just go ahead and fuck me." Jennel pushed her back against the sink. "That's why you've been tracking me down all day, right? Haven't been laid in a while?" She licked Demi's jawline sloppily and Demi pulled back, basically holding the girl up.

"No, actually." She turned her head just in time to catch a kiss from Jennel on the cheek intended for her lips. "I just wanted to see how you've been doing. You haven't returned my messages or calls."

"Don't pretend like you give a shit about me." Jennel spat, stumbling. "I get that I was nothing but a fuck to you. You don't have to keep up the act."

"It isn't an act. I've been waiting to see you since you left."

"Prove it, then." Jennel challenged.

Then Demi suddenly captured Jennel's lips, arms around her slim waist. She knew somewhere deep down that it was wrong, that Jennel was drunk and she'd be going back home in a few days. She knew that she was doing this same shit to her again, the same thing that left Jennel crying and begging Demi to love her back.

But Demi pushed all of the recognition in her actions away, because she was just so damn lonely. She hadn't been kissed or loved since the day Jennel left to go home, and part of her associated the loss of affection with the loss of Jennel. So maybe, desperate in that moment, she took advantage of the drunk eighteen year old in front of her.

And Jennel let her. She let Demi fuck her against the bathroom sink and Demi definitely didn't stop Jennel from dropping her knees to the floor and letting her have her way. It was messy and needy, desperate and loud.

And when it was over, Demi felt empty.

"I do love you, Dem. You know that?" Jennel giggled while she zipped up her pants.

"Don't say that." She deadpanned back, sitting on the sink she'd just fucked Jennel on with her eyes closed tightly, trying to find a way to forgive herself in her head.

Jennel stayed silent for a few seconds before slapping Demi right across the face.

"What the fuck?" Demi screeched, holding her face.

"You're something else, Demi. I swear to God." Jennel started, shaking her head furiously. "I hope you enjoy being alone for the rest of your life. Or I hope you at least find some comfort in your pathetic one night stands. All you do is use people and hurt people. You're so selfish. You know what? You push away every fucking person who ever tries to get close to you. And unless you stop, you're never going to move on from whoever made you that way."

Demi stared at her like she was a stranger. She felt anger boiling in her blood. That familiar self loathing cooking in her stomach. That's where it always started, deep in her gut. All of the words she hated most about herself filling her insides up, threatening to spill over. That's why she always felt the need to vomit before she cut herself, needing to get all of the bad things out. Hoping they'd disappear, but finding it wasn't ever enough.

Jennel had just pointed out something Demi was so terribly afraid of deep down. Never moving on. Never growing old with someone, never finding love. Being alone.

She was selfish. Stupid. Mean. Irresponsible. Not good enough. _Weak._

She only saw red before she turned and punched the mirror in front of the sink. Blood was on her dress and running down her arm. Jennel yelled something in shock but Demi didn't register it. It hurt her, this time. It had been so long, she'd almost forgotten how strong the burn was.

She'd been doing so well.

Jennel got her off of the sink and sat her down, paper towels in hand. She looked like a little girl who'd just been separated from her mother at a store, frightened and clueless of what she was supposed to do to fix this.

"Demi, oh my God. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that! I swear." She rambled, so scared. Demi winced every time she touched her arm with a paper towel. "I'm gonna go get somebody." She stuttered out and got up to leave.

"No," Demi commanded quickly, her voice tired. The pain was something that she became used to. It actually hurt less than the pain she felt on the inside right before. "There are cameras everywhere out there. One word and they'll all know. Don't leave me." She pleaded, grabbing Jennel's hand desperately.

"What am I supposed to do?" She stuttered out, her bottom lip quivering with fear.

Demi sighed. She felt on the verge of fainting. It wasn't something that had never happened before. Back before when it was bad, she'd sometimes be out for hours, just laying in her bathroom floor lifeless until Selena or Dallas found her. "Just get my phone." She was becoming delusional, slurring her words. There was so much fucking blood, and the gashes were deep.

Jennel scrambled for Demi's phone, opening her contacts before clicking a number and calling. "I'm pretty sure they're friends." Jennel mumbled to herself where Demi couldn't hear.

"Hello?" A groggy voice came through the speaker, and Jennel sighed in relief that she picked up.

"Is this Selena?"


	22. Poison & Wine

**Your hands can heal, your hands can bruise  
I don't have a choice, but I still choose you  
**Chapter 22: Poison & Wine

* * *

"Get the hell out of my house!"

Selena's angry screamed echoed throughout her house and Justin flinched at it.

"Selena, I'm begging you. She means nothing to me!" He pleaded with her.

Selena had gotten so many phone calls from so many different people in New York. Phone calls that both embarrassed her and hurt her. They'd all seen him taking some blonde model to swanky restaurants and broadway shows. Escorting her around like he didn't have a girlfriend at home. A girlfriend who'd been nothing but beyond wonderful with him, who had turned down the girl she'd been in love with her whole life to take a chance on him.

"Did you sleep with her?" She asked him, arms crossed and a look in her eye that warned him he better tell her nothing but the truth.

He just looked down at the ground, shaking his head and apologizing profusely under his breath.

"Answer me."

"It meant nothing, I swear. I love you." He rushed out, and for the first time ever, Selena didn't believe it.

And that is when her phone rang. Right after the boy she'd risked everything for admitted to cheating on her with some girl she could never amount to.

Her heart was broken and she choked down the tears when she answered, not bothering to look at the name. "Hello?"

An unfamiliar voice shook over the line, panic clearly projecting from the girl on the other end. "Hi, is this Selena?" She shook out.

"Yes, who is this?"

"My name is Jennel.. Um, Garcia. You don't know me, but I'm with Demi and she really needs help. I didn't know who else in her phone to call. She had mentioned before how awesome you were and I kind of need you to live up to that now." Jennel nervously laughed, panicking and looking over to Demi laying in the floor.

"Is Demi okay? What is happening?" Selena immediately went into best friend mode, even though her stomach churned when she remembered who Jennel was and she tried not to jump to conclusions about why the girl was with Demi.

Jennel took a deep breath. "She's not okay. We were, um, together in this bathroom," Jennel started to explain and Selena tried to ignore her nostrils flaring in jealousy and anger that she had no right to feel, not anymore, "and she like, punched this mirror. Blood is everywhere and she's cut pretty deep. She said I couldn't go out and get help because people would know, and I don't know what to do. Can you please help me?" And she sounded like just that, a scared little girl who had no idea what kind of person she had gotten involved with.

"Tell me where you are and I'll be there." Selena commanded, grabbing her keys.

Jennel stuttered out the address and how to find the party. Selena hung up and put on her jacket, and realized Justin was still standing in her living room.

"Demi, again?" Justin asked her, almost in a mocking manner. "Jesus, you're still hung up on that crazy bitch aren't you?"

Selena saw red.

All that she could really recall is kneeing Justin right in the balls, and watching with pleasure as he fell to the floor.

"If I ever hear you talk about her like that again, it'll be worse. You don't _know_ her." She spat, so disgusted with him. "When I get back to this house, you better be fucking gone."

And with that, she rushed out the door, slamming it on the way out.

* * *

Jennel had Demi's head in her lap. She was trying so hard not to cry, and wishing desperately that this was some terrible dream. She could see the open wounds, and there were jagged pieces of glass lodged into her arms. It was bad.

There was a knock at the door and Jennel sighed in relief, getting up to unlock it. Selena rushed right past her, a bag of supplies in her arms and not really bothering to even acknowledge Jennel.

She just went straight to Demi without a word, and helped her sit up against the wall.

"Sel?" Demi asked her with shock in her voice. "You called her?" She looked at Jennel, eyes wide.

Selena just shook her head. "We can talk later." She mumbled and immediately began cleaning Demi up. Washing away all of the blood, applying ointments and creams to the cuts, using tweezers to remove the shreds of glass. Demi wincing in pain all the while.

"What are you, a nurse?" Jennel chuckled from the corner, suddenly feeling awkward, like she was an intruder.

Selena kept working without looking up, just slightly shaking her head. "You do this enough, you get good at it." Then she pulled out a stitching kit like a magician, and began to carefully give Demi's wounds small butterfly stitches. Each only required one or two, some even none at all, but she was always over protective, always needing to be sure.

"You know how to give stitches?" Jennel asked again from the corner, a little more surprised this time.

"My great aunt is a nurse, and I made her teach me when I was like fourteen." Selena replied, focusing so intently on Demi's arm. "I just wanted to be prepared in case she needed it, I guess." She gestured to Demi. "Can you come here?"

Jennel immediately obliged, rushing to the girls.

"I need you to hold her arm up like this, it'll make it easier." She ordered and rummaged through her bag for more supplies. "Dem, don't fall asleep." Her voice was immediately softer talking to the girl.

Demi was sitting up against the wall, silently watching Selena work. They'd been through this many times before. She would hurt herself, Selena would come to the rescue, Demi would wince in pain while Selena stitched her up, and they'd cry afterwards and she'd promise to never do it again.

She drank the small shot Selena gave her without a word.

They all sat in silence for what seemed like forever while Selena worked on her arm, stopping only to make sure Demi wasn't in too much pain or to wash away more blood. Jennel just watched in awe, looking away when it all became too much.

"Okay, Dem. It's done." Selena sighed, wrapping Demi's arm up with bandages and gently holding her hand for a second, an act that didn't go unnoticed by Jennel. Demi looked like she was still in a daze, and sadness glazed her eyes over. It was always like this for a while, she'd feel worthless and stupid and Selena would turn it all around.

"Can we go to my dressing room?" She asked Selena more than Jennel. "It's easy to get to from where the party is. We just have to be discreet. I need to lay down."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." Selena nodded and helped Demi up. It was as if they'd never spent any time apart and Jennel didn't exist. Selena gave Demi her jacket to cover up her wounded arm, and Jennel followed them out. The three girls managed to scoot through the party without being noticed, fortunately. They slid along the back walls in the darkest parts of the room to avoid all of the cameras and other contestants and crew.

Selena opened the door to Demi's dressing room for them and Demi immediately lay down on her couch. Exhaustion overwhelmed her body and mind, and she needed to sleep more than anything.

Jennel fetched a blanket and wrapped it around her body, and let her hand linger on Demi's back.

"Are you two together?" Selena finally asked when she knew Demi had fallen asleep. It was a question that had been bubbling in her stomach since she'd gotten the phone call from Jennel, and she finally spit it out.

Jennel shook her head sadly, sitting down in one of the chairs. "Not really, no."

"Not _really_?" She pushed.

Jennel sighed, almost embarrassed at how silly she knew this was going to sound, how pathetic of her. "We sleep together, occasionally. I do love her, but she doesn't feel the same way." It hurt her to admit it for the first time out loud. Selena saw herself in Jennel for the first time at that moment. A scared little girl in love with someone who wasn't ready to love her back.

"She's easy to love, isn't she?" Selena looked over to Demi, watching her sleep. It had been so long, and the sight of her could still make Selena's heart speed up and her cheeks flush. It hadn't changed.

"It's because of you, you know." Jennel mumbled, watching Selena watch Demi.

"What is?"

"The reason she could never love me. She still loves you."

Selena looked down at the rug in the dressing room, not really sure how to reply. Another part of her wanted to smile, hearing those words come out of Jennel's mouth, that Demi still loved her.

"I shouldn't be here." Jennel shook her head and stood up to leave. "Thank you for coming and helping her, Selena. I'm gonna go now, though. It's really not my place." She shook Selena's hand and smiled sadly.

"Thank you for being there for her, I guess." Selena shrugged, an overwhelming feeling of sadness invading her heart while she shook Jennel's hand. She knew how hard it was to love Demi, but how easy it was to keep doing it.

Then Jennel was gone, and Selena would probably never see her again.

Selena sat in silence, watching Demi sleep. The fact that a thirty second phone call from a stranger made her drop everything to get to Demi sat with her, the lengths she would go to to keep her safe. The lengths she realized she would _always_ go to, no matter what the circumstance. They were attached. There was some string that ran from one heart to the other and it wouldn't fucking break. She didn't want it to.

No matter how long she went on trying to convince herself that this isn't what she wanted, she'd always end up back here. She'd always end up somewhere she never imagined, looking at she had spent most of her life loving, looking at her and wondering how someone could be so beautiful. Even with all of Demi's flaws, all of her mistakes that haunted her and would haunt her as long as she lived, she was still the most gorgeous human being Selena had ever laid her eyes on.

She was tired of fighting it.

"Demi." She almost whispered, watching the other girl stir in her sleep.

"Are you awake?" The soft voice that Demi remembers from a decade of sleepovers fills her ears and she can't fight the smile that fills her face.

"I am now." She giggled at Selena and sat up on the couch. Selena wanted desperately to sit next to her, but kept her distance, staying in her chair.

"Where is Jennel?" Demi asked her and Selena felt a bit of disappointment.

"She left not long ago."

Demi sighed, sadness clouding her eyes and features. "I didn't mean to hurt her." She shook her head slightly.

"I'm sure she knows that."

They sat in silence. Questions that deserved answers lingered around them, waiting on the girl with enough guts to ask the first one. Selena still watched her, silently noticing how Demi was visibly still strugging. It was written all over her face. She felt sad, still. Sad for Jennel, sad for Selena having to rescue her, sad for the silence.

"What happened?" Selena finally asked.

Demi shrugged, glancing at her arm. "I just got caught up in my head." It was the same response Selena had heard a million times before, and she still believed it when Demi said it now.

"I wish I was there to stop you." She offered, sadly.

Demi looked at her then, smiling softly and sadly, and truly realized then how much she'd missed Selena's presence. Not her touch or her words, just the warmth that came from being in the same room as her.

"How's the boy?" She asked Selena.

She ducked her head, running a hand through her hair. It was amazing how Demi had made her forget all about Justin. She hadn't thought about him since she'd left her house, and didn't desire to. But it hit her then, the humility and the worthlessness she felt after being cheated on. Tears brewed in her eyes and Demi could tell instantly. She raised her eyebrows, confusion laced in her brown eyes.

"Hey. Come here." She opened up her blanket and Selena slid in next to her easily, tears finally falling at the comfort. Demi wrapped her arms around her, wincing a little at the pain in her injured one. She didn't care much, though. It was good to hold her again.

Selena explained everything to her and Demi's nostrils flared with anger.

"How could he cheat on _you_?" She asked and Selena cried a little more, head buried in Demi's shoulder. They were both so tired, so exhausted from crying and fighting.

Selena reached up and placed a kiss on Demi's cheek, whispering a thank you. "You know, maybe now that it's over with him, it's our time?" She offered, kissing Demi again. She was getting carried away and emotional, almost crawling on top of her.

"No." Demi mumbled, trying to separate herself, and it was the hardest thing she'd ever done, stopping kissing her. "No, Selena."

Selena pulled back, shock clearly written across her face. "No?"

"You're emotional right now and you just broke up with him."

She sat back beside Demi, moving from on top of her. "I'm emotional? Demi, come on. This is what we've been waiting for. It's time now."

Demi closed her eyes tightly, sighing. "I know, believe me. I know." She grabbed Selena's hand. "I've never wanted _anything_ more, ever. I just need you to be sure. Okay? I need you to know one hundred percent, with no doubts that you're ready. Because I can't have you tonight and then not ever again. I don't want to mess this up."

Selena sighed and ran her hand through her hair again, her emotions had taken over. Demi was there and they had history, and she loved her above all else at least platonically, so she went for it without thinking about it. She needed someone.

"Can you understand that?" Demi asked her, hope in her voice. She was breathing hard and it was evident just how hard it was to back away, to tell Selena no. She'd spent so long giving into her vices. Hurting herself, drinking, doing drugs. And she told her head no tonight and followed her heart, for her. For Selena.

Selena nodded immediately. "Yeah, of course. I understand." She picked up Demi's hand and kissed it softly. "I'm sorry. I just got carried away."

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? Sit down and have dinner or something maybe?" Demi asked, not letting go of her hand.

"Hot date?" Selena giggled and Demi nodded.

"Absolutely. Hot date. A real date. Okay?"

They smiled at each other simultaneously, real smiles. Demi laid down and motioned for Selena to lay with her. Selena lay right in front of her and Demi wrapped her arms tightly around her waist, sighing. They didn't say much, just listened to each other breathe. It baffled them how it wasn't awkward at all, after being apart for so long. It felt like they didn't spend a minute away from each other, like this was happening all alone.

"I guess I need to go ahead and head back home." Selena said once she started to fall asleep and started to get up only to be pulled back down by Demi.

"Don't." Demi sighed and wrapped her arms around Selena so tightly, hating the thought of her getting up. "I'm tired of saying goodbye to you."

"So say something else." Selena urged, so desperately wanting Demi to give her permission to turn in her arms and close the distance between their lips completely, for the first time for real in so long.

But instead, Demi kissed Selena's exposed shoulder and held her hands tighter before she whispered. "Goodnight."


	23. After the Storm

**There will come a time, you'll see**  
**With no more tears**  
**And love will not break your heart**  
**But dismiss your fears**  
Chapter 23: After the Storm

* * *

Demi bought a new dress.

If this was her chance to win Selena over for good, she was going to make sure she took advantage of it. It was now or never, she figured, and she wanted nothing more than for everything to be perfect.

So she rented out Selena's favorite restaurant and it cost way more than she should have ever spent on a date. But this wasn't just a date. It was the date. It was Selena.

She paid to have the small street the place was on to be secured so no paparazzi could come close. They weren't going to ruin this. All they did was put stress on the both of them and tonight was about being free from all of it.

"What time should I meet you?" Selena asked her, calling while Demi was picking out flowers.

"You're absolutely not meeting me any time. I'll pick you up."

"Ooooh, okay." She teased her.

Demi giggled. "Be ready by eight. I'll see you later." Then she hung up, smiling so wide and so full.

She picked out yellow roses because she once sent them to Selena on her birthday when she was away on tour, and it made her happy. She needed to remind Selena of everything they had, and everything they could be now. Now that they've both grown apart so much, they could grow together again just like before.

Selena doesn't remember the last time she spent so much time getting ready on her own. The last time her hair was perfected and worked on so much, she was going to the Emmy's. But now, she found herself obsessing over her eyeliner and the curls in her dark hair like never before.

She needed to look her best. She needed Demi to want her again.

The knee length silver dress she stepped into felt way too fancy for a date, especially since she didn't even know where they were going, but it didn't matter. It sparkled in her bathroom and reflected off the mirror. Her mother stepped behind her and zipped it up to her lower back.

"You look gorgeous, baby girl." Mandy smiled proudly at her daughter, picking at her hair to lay it down in parts.

"You think?" She asked her nervously, biting her lip.

"I know." Mandy nodded. "Is Demi picking you up?"

Selena nodded at her and turned back to the mirror, slipping in her earrings.

Mandy watched her, flashbacks of a fifteen year old Selena doing her makeup in the mirror for the same reason, waiting on Demi to come sweep her off of her feet again.

She knew Selena didn't have a chance as soon as she left that house. She never had a chance with Demi, really. "Well, I'm gonna head out sweetie if you don't need any more help. You girls behave."

Selena kissed her mother on the cheek and thanked her, then slipped on her heels. Nothing to do now but wait.

Demi had on the dress she'd bought earlier that day, black and tight. Her hair was down, bangs Selena always loved most ran straight across her forehead. Nerves bubbled in her stomach while she gave the driver directions to Selena's house, and she checked her makeup four times before they got to the house.

She took a deep breath and knocked on Selena's front door, yellow roses in hand.

The sight before her took her breath away when it opened.

"Pretty girl," Demi breathed out, her heartbeat speeding up and shock across her face. No matter how many times she saw her, she could never believe how gorgeous Selena was. "You look so, so beautiful." She gushed.

Selena smiled sheepishly, pushing her hair behind her ear and taking Demi in. "You look just as wonderful, believe me."

"These are for you, obviously." Demi giggled a little, presenting the roses to Selena whose face lit up.

"These are my favorite!" She took them and leaned in to kiss Demi on the cheek. "Thank you, Dem."

"Absolutely." She extended her hand to Selena. "Shall we?"

Selena took it, grinning like she hadn't in months. "We shall."

Demi opened the door for her and they drove to dinner, talking slowly and softly to each other about things that really weren't all that important. Things like the weather and where Demi found the dress she was wearing, and how much Selena loved the song playing on the radio and how Demi was starving.

It felt like home, to both of them.

"Okay, we're here." Demi exclaimed, excitement running through her veins. "Can you close your eyes for me?"

Selena nodded softly, smiling that sweet, closed lipped smirk that Demi fell in love with so long ago. She got out fast and opened the door for Selena, and stood behind her with her hands over Selena's eyes. "No peeking."

"Promise." Selena giggled.

Demi gestured for the security guard to open the front door, and walked Selena in. The restaurant was dimly lit. All of the tables were gone, and one sat in the middle with flowers scattered around it and a server waiting kindly with a smile standing by it. Soft music played overhead and large candles lit each corner of the room. Demi was happy, it was perfect.

"Okay, you can open them."

Selena opened her eyes and gasped loudly. "Demi," she whispered, "this is incredible."

Demi just giggled and Selena looked around with a glint of wonder in her eyes. It was amazing how Justin could do things like this all the time but it never meant so much to her. It never made her want to cry for him the way she wants to cry for Demi. Cry for all of the unnecessary but completely appreciated effort, because if she was being honest with herself, she could be eating Chinese takeout on her couch in sweatpants with Demi and still feel like it was special.

"You did all of this?"

Demi just nodded, smiling at her. She gestured for Selena to move to sit down and the waiter pulled both of their chairs out.

"Will we be having any wine tonight, ladies?" He asked and neither of the girls even acknowledged him. They were just staring directly at each other, smiling.

"I'm sorry, what?" Selena finally heard him.

"Wine?" He repeated.

"Oh, none for me. Water." Demi shook her head.

Selena was genuinely surprised. It was the first time she'd been with Demi and heard her deny a drink. "I'll just have water, please." She uttered, smiling at Demi again.

"Right away."

Selena looked at Demi like she was waiting for an explanation and Demi just softly chuckled and shook her head. "I'm about nine months sober."

"Demi! That is amazing." Selena gasped and grabbed her hand across the table. "I'm so proud of you. That's incredible. Really."

Demi blushed and looked down at their hands that were now intertwined. And that is when it occurred to Selena for the first time that she really didn't know much about Demi anymore, about who she is now. She wasn't around for this part of her life. The part where she fought every day to keep her demons from surfacing. The part where she stayed in and out of sober homes, and didn't have her to come home to. Selena should have been there, she thought. She could have helped. Guilt was wrapping around her mind, looking across the table at Demi. The Demi who sips on water instead of martinis and holds Selena's hand instead of eyeing the waiters and waitresses in a way that isn't appropriate.

This is a Demi she wasn't familiar with, and it occurred to her that if she could love the Demi that was high on everything she shouldn't have been the majority of the time and who loved and left Selena time and time again, loving the Demi that created nights like this should be the easiest thing she'd ever done.

"Are you okay?" She broke Selena from her train of thought.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Selena smiled, not convincing at all.

"I can see right through you, you forget that. Tell me what's wrong."

Selena sighed, shaking her head. "It's just that, I haven't been here. For you. I didn't even know you were nine months sober. What kind of person does that make me?"

"Sel, come on." Demi began, frowning. "You had to figure yourself out too. We took time, we both did. And as much as it sucked and hurt, it was best for us. Okay? Don't feel shame or guilt because you weren't there. You weren't there because you _couldn't_ be. And I understand that you couldn't be. I understand, pretty girl."

Selena felt tears building in her eyes. "But you needed me. You needed me and I wasn't there."

"Hey," Demi grabbed her hand, "there wasn't anything you could have done even if you were there. I was the only person who could help myself and we both know that. You had to figure out things for yourself, and stop trying to fix me. You should have learned a long time ago that you _can't_ fix me, Selena."

"That doesn't mean I can't try." Selena said just above a whisper, afraid she'd cry.

Demi just laughed. "That's why I love you."

Demi ate dinner with her left hand so she could hold Selena's with her right through their dinner. They didn't talk anymore about the past or the future, just enjoyed spending the time together and the privacy. It truly was a comfort that the girls could only find in very few things in their lives. One of those things always had been and always would be each other.

Selena felt so much at home, so much comfort that always came from being with Demi. And she got caught staring at the girl, just smiling.

"What?" Demi giggled when she caught her.

"Nothing," Selena shook her head and smiled. "You're just so beautiful. And it still blows my mind that you couldn't always see it."

Demi put her fork down and just stared at Selena for a moment before setting her napkin on the table and getting up. She said nothing before walking over to Selena and gently grabbing her face and kissing her on the lips with a softness that she'd always saved for Selena.

Selena's breath was gone.

She covered Demi's hands with her own and kissed back with an equal softness, reveling in Demi's lips. Lips that she'd missed far more than she'd ever like to admit. Lips that had touched probably every inch of her body a hundred times but she'd never tire of. Lips that were pressed against her own for the first time when she was fourteen years old and left marks on her neck when she was fifteen.

Lips that belonged to the girl _she_ belonged to.

The girl she would always belong to, no matter how long or how hard she fought it. No matter how many fights or how many times they broke each others hearts over and over again. No matter how many people told them it would never work. No matter how many boys and girls alike came in between them to compete. They'd always belong to each other. They always had.

Demi pulled back and went back to her seat, staring at Selena with dark eyes and smeared lipstick.

"What was that for?" Selena asked when she was able to speak again.

Demi just shrugged. "For everything. For saying things like that. For as long as I've known you, you've said things like that to me and they always went in one ear then out the other, and you _knew_ I didn't listen. But you never stopped saying them. You never stopped."

"Jesus," Selena laughed. "How has it taken us so fucking long to get it right?"

Demi laughed too, wiping away a tear that came out sometime after she kissed her.

"We have it right this time, right?" Selena asked. "We're gonna try this again?" She was hopeful and nervous and Demi wanted to kiss her again.

She looked across the table at her, staring into the eyes that have seen more of her than anyone else in the world has. She'd seen more than anyone her age should have to see her best friend go through, and been put through hell by the same girl who was too stupid and reckless to just love her back. Properly love her back. Because Demi always loved Selena. It was never a question of love.

It was a scared little girl with insecurities and demons too big and too strong to ever believe that someone could love another person as effortlessly and relentlessly as Selena loved her. For so, so long and with a heart that had been hurt many times but was still the biggest and toughest she'd ever known in another person.

She loved Selena because it made sense when nothing else ever did. She loved her because she never faltered when Demi gave her a million reasons to run, until she had to that day in Canada when she just couldn't take anymore. She loved her because she finally _did_ walk away when Demi asked her to, and because she fought so hard to stay when Demi begged her to go find herself.

And she loved her because she was here now.

After everything, she was here. And she was so, so beautiful.

And it occurred to Demi that she couldn't _not_ try again. She'd try again as long as Selena let her.

"There will never be an easier decision for me." She stated and grabbed Selena's hand, looking into her eyes.

This time it was Selena who got up from her seat and walked around the table to Demi. She sat in her lap, wrapped her arms around her neck and kissed her hard. Demi's arms slid around her waist and she smiled so hard into the kiss, making Selena laugh when she pulled back.

"Dance with me." Selena commanded sweetly and stood up, extending her hand to Demi.

Demi blushed for the millionth time that night and stood up sheepishly, giggling like an idiot and grabbing Selena's hand.

Selena led them around the floor, dancing slowly and closely to music that an eavesdropper of a waiter turned up louder for them.

"Pretty girl," Demi giggled into Selena's shoulder and placed a kiss there sweetly. Selena did nothing but hold her tighter and giggle so softly and so happily.

There they were. Two girls in insanely expensive dresses swaying around to an old Frank Sinatra song in the middle of an almost empty restaurant, giggling and kissing more often than most people do in the middle of dancing. Holding each other close, whispering into each other's ears even though no one was around to hear. Two girls who had loved each other longer and harder than most people could ever dream of. Two girls who had loved each other through their lowest points and their highest. Who had lived their dreams, and gotten to live them with their best friend. They'd fallen in love with their best friend. They had saved each other in every sense of the phrase.

They'd fought. They'd broken up and made up within hours. They'd been in phases where they didn't know what their relationship was. They'd been on adventures most people will never go on. They'd seen sides of each other that would make most people run like hell and never look back. They'd lost their innocence to each other, in every way. They'd grown into the people they are because of each other and they had experienced a love that was honest and pure, and would not fade with time. It _could_ not fade with time.

And the shadows on the walls of the room lit by candles of long hair and dresses dancing and celebrating love in its purest form were proof of it.


	24. You Could Be Happy

**This is the final chapter of Dismiss Your Fears! Thank you guys for always being so supportive and patient with me. You've all been so kind and wonderful, and I can't wait to start my new story and share it with all of you. I'm on twitter at DYFfanfic if you guys want updates! I love you guys xx  
**

* * *

**You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far  
**Chapter 24: You Could Be Happy

* * *

There was something about waking up to Demi's freckled nose buried in her shoulder that took Selena back to being thirteen. Thirteen and watching Demi sleep in the mornings or late at night, watching her visibly suffer nightmares and Selena protectively pulling her in. Always protecting, always watching.

She could smell Demi's coconut shampoo and feel her eyelashes flutter when she blinked after Selena woke her up with a quiet, "Morning."

Demi giggled, kissing Selena's bare shoulder twice. "Morning, pretty girl."

They lay there for a while, just looking at each other. Demi intertwined their fingers and sighed, watching Selena with a glow in her eyes that was only there when the other girl was around. Selena stared back just as intensely, mentally calculating how many times she'd have to wake up to that smile before she got used to it. Infinite.

"I could stay here all day," she whispered after kissing Demi's hairline.

"What's stopping you?"

Selena frowned and scoffed. "Meetings. I need to get going, actually."

Demi poked her bottom lip out and Selena kissed her before she could whine about it. Her hands wrapped grasped Demi's face gently, and Demi's locked around her neck.

"I don't want you to goooo," Demi whined and pushed Selena's hair out of her face.

"I love you, beautiful." Selena laughed and kissed Demi again, getting up from the bed and slipping her shoes on. "I'll call you as soon as I'm free."

"Yeah, yeah. Have fun." Demi scoffed. "I love you."

* * *

Demi wrote all day long. Waiting around for Selena to call got old really fast, and the butterflies rumbling in her stomach constantly nowadays inspired her.

She felt like she was sixteen again, writing about forbidden love and secrets that could never be told.

Only this time she was writing about everything she'd never imagined really existed. She'd always thought it was some fairy tale that was reserved for people who were normal. But she sees the background of her phone, a photo of Selena kissing her cheek with a grin and arms wrapped tightly around her waist. And she knows.

It happened to her. It had been happening since she'd met that brown eyed, black haired gorgeous kid behind her in line at an audition. It was probably even happening before then. All working up to this.

_'I miss your voice, pretty girl.' _She texted her, smiling the entire time she typed it.

She spent the next six hours writing a song that probably wouldn't see the light of day because it was too close to her heart, and waiting on Selena to call, waiting to hear her pretty girl's voice.

* * *

Selena didn't call.

She didn't return any of the five texts Demi sent her either.

The last one read, _'I don't know what's going on right now, but I love you anyways. Please call me.'_

Demi was slowly turning into the psycho girlfriend who felt the need to call every ten minutes, but before she could pick up her phone again Selena came through her front door. She looked exhausted and plopped down on Demi's couch without a word.

Demi stared at her, completely confused.

"So your phone isn't working now?" She sarcastically asked, trying her hardest to carefully choose her words.

Selena didn't say anything but Demi could see tears pooling in her eyes and a look that told her something bad was happening. Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. She couldn't take much more bad.

"Hey," she whispered and sat next to her on the couch, still giving her enough space to breathe. "What's going on, Sel?"

Selena still stayed quiet. But her hand snuck its way into Demi's and gripped it so tightly it scared the girl.

"Talk to me." Demi whispered again, covering their intertwined fingers with her other hand.

Selena turned and kissed her softly and sweetly. Demi could taste salt on her lips, Selena's tears falling down and coating them. It wasn't a kiss that Demi wanted, and one that she knew all too well.

It was the same kiss she'd gotten the days when Selena just couldn't take her bullshit anymore, right before she told her goodbye. It was the kiss that said _'I'm sorry but this is too hard'_ or the kiss that said '_This is it.'_

It was always the one that said goodbye, and Demi knew it as soon as it hit her.

"Tell me what's happening, right now." She demanded, tears pooling in her own eyes and voice breaking.

"I have to go back to him." Selena cried softly.

"What?" Demi knew exactly what and exactly who.

"Justin." Selena sniffled. "It's for the movie and his album and all of the stupid fucking bullshit. It's done, there's nothing I can do."

Demi just sat there, staring at her and asking God why He chose her. Why did she always get fucked over? Why did she always get her heart broken and fall in love with people who couldn't love her back? Why'd she have voices in her head that ruined her fucking life for years? Why did the one person she'd ever given a shit about in her entire fucking life always get stripped away?

"We can work it out," she argued, trying to smile. "It's fine. We can work it out."

Selena took her hand away and shook her head. "No, Demi. We can't." Demi looked at her like she'd just told her Santa wasn't real. "I'm not putting you through that again. I _won't." _Selena demanded.

"But I can take it." Demi begged, crying full on now.

"But I _can't_, Demi." Selena cried back. "I can't."

It got silent then. Words that stung hung in the air and two girls crying over each other filled the silence.

"What happens now?" Demi sighed. "Don't tell me it'll work itself out or that you'll always love me. Don't give me bullshit, Selena. This always fucking happens. It's never going to work, is it?"

Selena's eyes found the floor. "It's not going to work right now, no." She sighed sadly, so sadly that it broke Demi's heart all over again. For the second time in ten minutes.

"Maybe one day, when things are simpler and slower." Selena started, grabbing Demi's hands again. "Maybe later on in our lives, we'll find each other and we'll still be so in love that it kills us both, and we'll have our happy ending." She choked out, not bothering to wipe the tears away.

"I just got you back," Demi stuttered out, leaning into Selena and crying into her shoulder. "I'm not ready to lose you again."

Selena's hands tangled in Demi's hair and she cooed in her ear, whispering soothing words and sounds that she needed to hear just as desperately right now. "It's not our time right now, Dem. It's not meant to happen for us right now. I think we've gotten enough signs to prove that."

"How am I supposed to just wait for you Sel? I've spent so much time waiting for you. You spent even longer waiting for me. We were miserable." Demi looked down, sniffling like a six year old who just fell down on the playground. And they both felt that way, truth be told.

"Look at me," Selena lifted her chin to look her in the eyes. "Don't think about it. Please, go live your life. Go fall in love with other people and find happiness in your music and your friends. Find happiness in other relationships." She broke eye contact at that command, because it hurt to even suggest, even though she meant it because she loved her and she deserved it. "You deserve happiness. You deserve good, and you deserve love that can love you back constantly. You can be happy, Dem."

Demi just shuddered, whole body shaking into Selena. "I love you so much," she choked and Selena pulled back and kissed her. It was the saddest kiss they'd shared to date, and they'd had some bad ones. Their lips just pressed against each other tightly and still, soaked with each other's tears.

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Demi. I've loved you my entire life, I love you right now, and I will love you as long as you let me, okay? I'll never stop. You and I are meant to be together, as stupidly cheesy as that sounds, I've never believed anything more in my entire life. I will never care about another person like this. You consume me, Demi. Do you get that?" She had Demi's face in her hands, staring directly into her brown and tearful eyes. "You consume me. You're it, okay? You are my lobster and you are my best friend and the love of my life. Nothing will ever change that."

They kissed again, slower this time. It was innocent and completely the opposite at the same time.

"It'll happen for us someday, believe that. Please believe that." Selena said with a certainty that made Demi want to kiss her again. So she did.

"Pretty girl," Demi whispered while wiping away Selena's tears with her thumbs.

"I'll be seeing you someday, dork." Selena smiled as best as she could, not at all convincing.

Demi shook her head, mouth flipping into a sad frown while fresh tears fell down her red face. She wanted to scream no. Don't go, be with me. But she knew what had to be done.

Selena kissed her chastely again like they were thirteen and completely innocent. Completely oblivious to what was ahead. The tears and fighting. Boys and drugs and sex. Therapy, parents, managers and shaggy haired pop stars that didn't know how to treat Selena right. Love. The love was always there. Whether they were cuddled into each other giggling or crying on the phone together a thousand miles away. It was love in the simplest and most complex form. And it would still be there in a hundred years because they were it for each other. They decided on each other before they could even make decisions.

It was fate. They battled demons and they battled each other. It was like levels of a game that wasn't a game at all. They'd already been through a million levels and there were more to go before they got to the end. Before they beat the game, beat themselves and beat everyone who stood between them. They weren't done fighting. They'd both fight until they found each other again.

"I will find you," Demi whispered into Selena's ear when they embraced for the last time for a long time at her front door. And she meant it.

_Someday. _


End file.
